Addiction
by Team.Werewolves.Forever
Summary: Renesmee Cullen left home weeks after her seventh birthday when she becomes an addict. Drugs, alcohol, sex, money, and violence are all apart of the sweet Renesmee her family once knew. Will she overcome her problems, or face Addiction forever? *FINISHED*
1. Prologue

**_WARNING: This story contains drug abuse and violence, I am not promoting drugs nor violence, and I haven't and never will do them. This is an experiment and I've done my research on drugs. Intended for mature audiences. This is a new side to Nessie that I haven't really seen/read before, so I decided to write it instead. If this is to much for you to handle already, then you can leave if you wish, just leave a review telling me you dislikes. It would be greatly appreciated. If you are intrigued in this story, review and tell me your likes & dislikes. It would help, a lot. Intended for mature audiences._**

Nessie's POV-

Anticipation.

Joy.

Obviation.

Euphoria.

Dizziness.

Headaches.

Muscle sore-ness.

Flu like symptoms.

I smiled, knowing what was coming next. It was just so good, until the end. Then you had to do it again, and you felt better.

I used to be a clean little girl;

Nice.

Friendly.

Outgoing.

Happy.

You know, the all around average happy kid, well I grew up and realized there's more to this place called Earth;

Things like weed, alcohol, heroin, sex, money . . . the list goes on.

I didn't understand at first, but then I realized how _great_ those things were.

That weed makes you feel good,

Alcohol just numbs you, numbs you so much that you're so numb . . . that you can't even tell he's gone.

Heroin makes you happy and calm, you forget where you are and what you are.

Sex just give you this desire, where you are wanted and needed by someone else that isn't him.

Money buys you happiness.

Guns are the coolest things invented.

And violence, well let's just say it makes you have a rush of confidence, like you can do anything.

"Hey, want another hit?" Jen said with her blue eyes wide, I smiled slowly and asked for my personal syringe. I injected the heaven into my vein and let out a sigh,

Fucking bliss, I rolled my shoulders and slumped against the couch in her tiny apartment.

"Feel great, huh?" She asked, I could hear the smile in her voice distantly. I opened my eyes and looked at her with a lazy smile forming on my lips.

"Mmhmm," I replied and closed my eyes again.

I saw myself on a cloud looking happy - go - lucky. I laughed and let my mind wander . . .

Suddenly her door flung open and in came Police holding there guns up.

"Police! Put your hands where we can see them!" One guy shouted. I laughed and held my hands up.

"Jenny, are these the guys you called for me?" I said while giggling,

"I'm sorry Nessie, but I couldn't stand to see you like this. You need to get clean." She said sincerely, I shot up off the couch and looked at her then to the cops. Everything just became clear.

Jenny fucking ratted me out.

I felt my self start to go numb, and I began shivering. I fell to the wood floor and felt my body convulse, Then my eyes rolled to the back of my head and everything went dark . . .

**_If this is to much for you to handle after reading this prolgue then you can leave if you wish, just leave a review telling me your dislikes. It would be greatly appreciated. If you are intrigued in this story, review and tell me your likes & dislikes. It would help, PS. This is a rewrite._**


	2. Bullshit

**_WARNING: This story contains drug abuse and violence, I am not promoting drugs nor violence, and I haven't and never will do them. This is an experiment and I've done my research on drugs. Intended for mature audiences. This is a new side to Nessie that I haven't really seen/read before, so I decided to write it instead. If this is to much for you to handle already, then you can leave if you wish, just leave a review telling me you dislikes. It would be greatly appreciated. If you are intrigued in this story, review and tell me your likes & dislikes. It would help, a lot. Intended for mature audiences.._**

Nessie's POV-

I got in the car and slammed the door shut, this is _bull_.

"Way to go," Emmett said sarcastically,

"Fuck off you virtually hairless monkey!" I yelled as I punched the glass of his window, cracking it slightly.

Probation! Again!

"Thanks, now Rose is gonna be even more pissed off." He muttered,

"Good!" I yelled again, ugh - I just felt like hitting something!

I was on probation, again. Just for fucking shooting some heroin! It's bull shit!

"Nessie, seriously just stop being so - not you. I want my little niece back!" Emmett said as he drove me home from court, the rest of my family didn't come to my hearing anymore, they couldn't stand it.

It doesn't bother me, the only thing I hate is not getting my smack, I'm already coming down from my last shot, and it's killing me! I just wanted to feel happy again, was that to much to ask for?

"Weeeell, to bad." I said as I sprawled my feet out on his dashboard. I rolled my neck and tried to relax.

He sighed, "I don't know why Bella didn't let Edward stop you from hanging out with that Jen girl, she's ruined your whole life." He murmured, I snorted out loud and looked at him like he was crazy,

"Ruined?" I laughed again, "She introduced me into a much better world, Em!"

He scoffed, such a goody two shoes. "Yeah well, you used to think Jacob was your world, and that nothing could be better than him but now you drove him away, and pushed everyone out."

I paused to think about Jacob, ah fuck him.

He rejected me, cause 'I wasn't ready' Hah! Me and me only knows when I'm ready, and I was ready. "He pushed him self away, it's not my fault he's a damn idiot. Don't talk about him, he's a stupid subject to talk about."

Emmett shook his head in disapproval, "He knew what was best for you, but you're just to stubborn and hard headed and just - a bitch sometimes. I'm sorry Nessie, but I can't stand to see you throw your life away, have you looked in a mirror lately? You look so weak and - and unhealthy." He shook his head again,

"I look fine." I mumbled

He laughed this time, one of those scary sarcastic laughs. "Yeah, just fine."

"Whatever Emmett, You're an asshole." I said angrily,

He gave me another menacing laugh, "Yeah, because I'm trying to look out for your well being when everyone gave up, me and Rosie think of you like a daughter. I'm trying to help you, kid."

"I'm not a kid, stop treating me like one." I whispered as I looked out the window,

"Stop acting like one." He replied,

I growled and opened my tote bag, I pulled out a pack of cigarettes and pulled one out, Emmett tried to reach over and take it but I opened my lighter.

"I'm not afraid to burn your arm off, Emmett." I said coldly as I lit my cigarette and took a drag in, I waited a few seconds before I opened the window and puffed it out in little rings.

He grimaced but kept driving anyways. It was mostly silent the whole way home, and I liked it that way. I was smoking my second as I got out of the car. I saw my father walk towards me and I rolled my eyes, here comes Mr. Buzz Kill. He took the cigarette from my mouth, and tossed it on the ground; smashing it with his foot.

"What the hell!" I screamed, He grasped my arm lightly and pushed me forward,

"We have a guest. Go say hello." He said coldly, his voice hardly had the texture it used to have,

I rolled my eyes and stomped my high heeled knee length black boots through the stupid snow, I walked inside the house angrily and saw some tan kid sitting on the couch talking to my mom,

"Nessie - This is Nathan Lahote. He's Jacob's nephew." She said with a dull happy sound in her voice, I rolled my eyes and walked past them.

Why would Jake's cousin be here? Hm, whatever.

I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, looking for something to drink,

"Uh - Renesmee - I know I don't know you and all, But Jacob sent me." The Nathan kid said, I turned around and glared at him,

"Tell Jacob that I don't wa - " He cut me off, quickly.

"Jacob's dying," He started. My heart jumped for a moment as I bit back the tears.

My Jacob was - I cut off the thought. He wasn't my Jacob.

"Tell him I'll send a get well soon card, I'll even put a heart next to my name if it makes you happy." I rolled my eyes and brushed past him roughly, He grabbed my arm and stopped me.

"If you would listen and just realize how selfish you're being - then you could actually have a heart once again like he told me you used to have,"

"Like I used to have? I still have one, it's just not his." I snarled, from close up he looked like Paul - but had Rachel's eyes . . . which happen to be Jacob's too.

I left him in and kitchen and went upstairs to my bedroom where I could be left in peace.


	3. Want Another Hit?

**_WARNING: This story contains drug abuse and violence, I am not promoting drugs nor violence, and I haven't and never will do them. This is an experiment and I've done my research on drugs. Intended for mature audiences. This is a new side to Nessie that I haven't really seen/read before, so I decided to write it instead. If this is to much for you to handle already, then you can leave if you wish, just leave a review telling me you dislikes. It would be greatly appreciated. If you are intrigued in this story, review and tell me your likes & dislikes. It would help, a lot. Intended for mature audiences.._**

Nessie's POV-

I sat at my bed and stared at my bag filled with my drugs. They're all just teasing me, tempting me to try it.

I heard my door creak open, I looked up and met a pair of dark, onyx eyes.

"What do you want," I hissed,

He rolled his eyes and shut the door. "I want you to go and see my uncle so he doesn't die."

I rolled my eyes, "Oh yeah, 'cause I'm going to make him magically be all happy again if I start talking to him again? Yeah right, just go away." I got up and shuffled onto my balcony,

"Please, just go see him!" He begged,

"Why should I? He can come see _me_." I stated.

Nathan sighed, "I may only be fifteen, and young for a wolf - but Jacob is my Alpha and he can't be the same Alpha without his imprint."

I stopped breathing for a second, but composed myself. "I don't care, the wolf crap is your business - not mine. I'm leaving in three days anyways. I'm moving away with my best friend where I can do what ever the hell I want, No Jacob, no vampires - just me and my smack."

He growled and started to shake.

"Just. Come. With. Me." He said through his clenched teeth, I rolled my eyes.

"Nah, I think I'm good."

He grasped my arm and tried to pull me from my spot. I pulled my fist back and knocked him straight in the nose, I heard a gross crunch and loud cursing.

"OW, FUCK. MOTHER - OW!" He screamed as he cradled his face. My family zoomed into the room, looking alarmed. I blinked a few times and smile innocently.

I held my breath and quickly lunged for my bag, scooping it up in my arms before jumping off my balcony.

I ran as fast as I could, laughing happily as I went, knowing that freedom was close. I could taste it on my tongue. My parents wouldn't follow me, they knew better. It took me ten miles of running and a few breathers to get to Jenny's house, I let my self in casually.

"JENN - EY." I said loudly while hitting a wall with my palm, I heard her laugh and then she came tumbling down the stairs.

"NESSIE!" She tackled me to the ground in a giant bear hug,

I heard another voice, Mike was here. "MIKEY BOY! AYE!" I said in a weird Italian accent, like the one he had. I gave him a hug and he returned one.

"I haven't fucking seen you in months! Your family put you under house arrest again?" She laughed and walked gracefully into the living room.

"Yeah, They're just a bunch of party poopers." I said angrily as I took the bottle of water/alcohol Mike handed me, I took a swig, then the familiar burn trickled down my throat.

Ah, Another part of heaven I enjoy.

"So - You seem agitated?" Mike pointed out, I smiled grimly while nodding my head.

I pointed behind my shoulder to my duffel bag filled with smack with my thumb. "The dope is back there, enjoy yourselves."

"Not today," Jen said, I was taken aback. Did she just say not today?

Mike snorted at her and went over to my duffel, he pulled out a blunt and lit it, he dragged the smoke it and let it out a few seconds later, I smiled at him and grabbed my special syringe. I filled it up and jabbed it into the same vein I always use. I knew it was dangerous, but I didn't care. I let the drug take effect on me and a lazy smile formed on my face, Jen smiled sadly.

"I'm gonna go make a call, get you some friends." She tossed a wink, which meant maybe she was getting me a guy!

I set my syringe down and stared at it, I heard Jen's voice muffled, then Mike disappeared somewhere.

She came back in to room and sat next to me.

"Hey, want another hit?" Jen said with her blue eyes wide, I smiled slowly and asked for my personal syringe. I injected the heaven into my vein again and let out a sigh,

Fucking bliss, I rolled my shoulders and slumped against the couch in her tiny apartment.

"Feel great, huh?" She asked, I could hear the smile in her voice distantly. I opened my eyes and looked at her with a lazy smile forming on my lips.

"Mmhmm," I replied and closed my eyes again.

I saw myself on a cloud looking happy - go - lucky. I laughed and let my mind wander . . .

Suddenly her door flung open and in came Police holding there guns up.

"Police! Put your hands where we can see them!" One guy shouted. I laughed and held my hands up.

"Jenny, are these the guys you called for me?" I said while giggling,

"I'm sorry Nessie, but I couldn't stand to see you like this. You need to get clean." She said sincerely, I shot up off the couch and looked at her then to the cops. Everything just became clear.

Jenny fucking ratted me out.

I felt my self start to go numb, and I began shivering. I fell to the wood floor and felt my body convulse, Then my eyes rolled to the back of my head and everything went dark . . . .


	4. Therepy

**_WARNING: This story contains drug abuse and violence, I am not promoting drugs nor violence, and I haven't and never will do them. This is an experiment and I've done my research on drugs. Intended for mature audiences. This is a new side to Nessie that I haven't really seen/read before, so I decided to write it instead. If this is to much for you to handle already, then you can leave if you wish, just leave a review telling me you dislikes. It would be greatly appreciated. If you are intrigued in this story, review and tell me your likes & dislikes. It would help, a lot. Intended for mature audiences.._**

Nessie's POV-

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Be - ep. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Be - ep._

_"Why isn't she waking up?" A deep voice asked, whoever it was sounded agitated._

_I heard a sigh, "Her body is just healing itself from the seizure __caused __by the drugs, she overdosed. It would take humans days to get better, but maybe her it will take a few more hours."_

_"I just want my Nessie back, sorry Doc." _

_"It's quite alright, Jacob. We're all worried. Edward and Bella are working things out with Charlie, again." Jacob's here? I thought he was dying?_

_Be - ep. - ep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

_"Why does that thing keep doing that!" Jacob yelled, something tightened around my hand._

_"She's reacting to her surroundings, what she's hearing at the moment must be us talking. Jacob - " _

_Beeeeeep. Beeeeeeep. Beeeeeeeeeep. Beee - ep._

_"It's you name, I guess hearing it must cause her stress - of some sort. I'm going to go check some of the test results." I heard echoing footsteps, then just mine, and someone else breathing._

_"Nessie - I called and - and sent letters. I know I hurt you, but you mean everything to me - when you got into the drugs - I was so worried. Edward told me how bad things were getting - but Bells still refused to let me come." He sighed, and I think I heard a sniffle._

_I wanted to make him stop talking, the guilt was eating me alive. _

_"Nathan exaggerated a lot of what was wrong, I really wasn't dying - Well I was inside, but without you Ness - I'm nothing. I need you - so much."_

_Just shut up, will you, please?_

_"Doc said you're gonna go into rehab," He paused for a moment, I bet he was making that cute thinking face - I mean - ugh! "Nessie, It's kind of funny because I'm hearing everything you're thinking." He laughed, it was light - kind of like a fake laugh._

_Well hear this; YOU'RE A HEARTBREAKING JERK!_

_"I love you, why can't you see that?" He murmured, _

_I can see perfectly fine, but maybe my BROKEN heart needs glasses. I'm not sure yet, oh well._

_"You're so mean, it's cute." I felt lips on the corner of my mouth, I wanted to hit him._

_This time, he kissed me. On the lips._

My eyes flew open and I turned my head away from him.

"Nessie - " I cut him off.

"Jacob." I rolled my eyes and sat up, grimacing at the stupid gown I was wearing.

He tried to kiss me again, does he not get the point? "Jacob fucking Black - If you try and kiss me again, I will knock you out just like I knocked Nathan out!" I half yelled, he gave me a stupid smile.

"Please, Ness." He took the liberty of kissing my hand instead,

"You just like pissing me off, don't you?" I asked bitterly,

He looked at me sadly, "No, of course not honey."

"I hate you." I replied, he frowned and his eyes grew sad.

"You love me, I know you do. I love you so much,"

I snorted a laugh and looked at him like he was crazy, "Sike."

The door opened and in came Doctor Grandpa. Lovely.

"Oh! Renesmee! You're awake!" He exclaimed, I forced a smile and nodded my head.

"Yep, I'm awake - sadly." Grandpa gave me a sad look before looking at my medical reports, probably for the sixtieth time.

He put the clip bored down and walked over to me while removing his stethoscopes that was around his neck. "Okay, Bre - "

"I know the drill." I took a deep breath in and exhaled, her moved the stethoscope to my back and I breathed in again.

"It seems that you're perfectly healthy - physically speaking." He said softly to me, I rolled my eyes. What is he trying to say, I'm crazy?

"Yeah, well I know I'm going into therapy again. There's really no point for it anyways," I said, with a casual smile forming on my face.

Grandpa sighed, "That's why Jacob is going with you, everyday - to therapy." This time he was giving me the smile as he walked out of the room leaving me with my mouth wide open, staring at his retreating figure.

Therapy.

Jacob.

Hospitals.

Jacob.

Therapy _With_ Jacob.

Oh my God.

"No." I started, "No, no way in hell."

"Nessie, relax." He said softly,

I scoffed at him, fucking asshole. "Relax? How can you tell me to relax when I have to go to therapy with you of all people! I might as well kill my self!"

It'd be better then be stuck in a room with Jacob Black and a drug therapist.

Jacob tensed, "Renesmee, don't you ever say that again. You dying isn't a funny subject,"

I rolled my eyes, "Lighten up,"

He sighed and took my hand again, and I did my best to keep the thoughts about how good his skin felt against mine to myself.

**_Soooo...Did you like it? Review and tell me, it helps me with ideas, in a weird completely twisted way!_**


	5. Her

**_WARNING: This story contains drug abuse and violence, I am not promoting drugs nor violence, and I haven't and never will do them. This is an experiment and I've done my research on drugs. Intended for mature audiences. This is a new side to Nessie that I haven't really seen/read before, so I decided to write it instead. If this is to much for you to handle already, then you can leave if you wish, just leave a review telling me you dislikes. It would be greatly appreciated. If you are intrigued in this story, review and tell me your likes & dislikes. It would help, a lot. Intended for mature audiences.._**

**_I know it's been awhile, I just moved back to Ohio from New York - it took awhile. But once I got back home I had to spend some time with my friends, I haven't seen them in FOREVER. So, thanks for being patient with me. I'm also trying to update 9 other stories, it's really fucking hard. Lol Review please (:_**

**_&& THANK YOU TO EVERYONE THAT HAS REVIEWED! It means a lot for me - I know some other authors like to write personal thanks you's to their reviewers but I honestly don't have that kind of time ):_**

**_Anyways, enjoy (:_**

Nessie's POV-

I got out of the hospital today, Jacob never left my side. We just got to the rez - I was blindfolded and didn't know where we were going. I was completely annoyed by this point, I just wanted away from him!

So far I'm punched him in the face fourteen times because he obviously didn't understand personal space.

"So, let's go do something fun - wanna go to the beach?" He asked, his eyes never lost the love in them, I really wanted to punch him again.

"Shut up Jacob. I just want to have some fun but everyone always ruins that because I overdose sometimes. Big whoop." I rolled my eyes and pushed past him, he grasped my arm and turned me to look at him, his eyes were furious.

"You." He pushed me against the wall of his house, "Will never." He held my wrists above my head, I let out a squeak. "Ever say that again, got it?"

I licked my lips, "I. Want. Some - " He shoved his mouth against mine, cutting me off. I hit his chest once and managed to wiggle out of his grasp.

"Fucking prick." I muttered as I walked away from him, a few random people were staring after us. Great.

I looked for my car, it was no where to be seen. Surely my dad would bring my car to Jacob's house if he knew that I was going to be here for the day. "Where's my car?" I asked, annoyed was way beyond what I was feeling right now.

"You're going to live with me now, Doc thought a change in scenery would help. And I was happy to be of help." He had a smart ass grin on his face, motioning towards his house. Oh, so that's how you wanna play?

I smiled and walked over to him deductively, "Don't be a jerk, sweetie." I ghosted my fingers along his jaw and I kissed the corner of his mouth, I smirked as I jumped away from him and into his old rabbit from when I was a kid. He frowned and stared at me, "Aw I'm sorry, did I get your hopes up?" I gave him a little pout to mock him before raising my feet up onto the dashboard.

He rubbed his jaw in thought before getting in the car and starting it. "You used to be easy to talk to, damn - I feel like I'm struggling to keep myself alive by just saying one sentence." He muttered before pulling out of the parking lot.

I shrugged my shoulders and smiled, "Good, now I can relax knowing I'm making your life hell." I said proudly, he sighed once again before turning the radio on.

"So I see you're not dying?" I asked, sarcastic relief flowed through my voice.

He shrugged "Not exactly."

I rolled my eyes and scrolled through stations until I found one I liked, "You still like her, that Taylor Swift girl?" He asked quietly, I looked up at him - shocked he would remember.

"Occasionally - this is just an old song. I haven't listened to any of her new stuff." I said - great now he'll think I'm striking up a conversation with him.

"I remember when you would sit their at your dad's piano and play all of her songs." He said to me, without even glancing in my direction.

"I don't do that anymore." I muttered under my breath, while looking out the window and watching the passing white in green flow by - where are we going?

"Why?" He asked - this time he did look at me.

I snorted, he knew why. "You know why."

"You weren't ready." He said as he gripped the steering wheel tighter.

I laughed again, stupid excuses. "That wasn't for you to decide." I looked over at him with my eyebrow raised - he new I was challenging him in an argument that he would lose.

"It was also my decision - I was in that relationship too. You think I don't know what's best for you - but I really do."

"Stop saying that!" I half yelled, while sitting up in my seat in seconds - the movement made my head spin. I gripped his arm for support - even if I was already sitting down.

"Just like I know how those fucking drugs are screwing with your mind - coating your right mind. They killed you Nessie, the _real _you. The you that I loved - remember her? The one where she cared about everyone else - the one who put someone else before her first? The girl who donated money, clothes and food to charity - the girl I fell in love with. The girl I was going to ask to marry me." He said the last thing softly - I chocked down what I was about to say.

"Marry you?" I squeaked out, I let go of his arm and started playing with a rip on my jeans. Keeping my attention to his face at bay.

"That's why I wanted us to wait, Nessie. I wanted your first time to be with your husband - but then you started hanging with the wrong people. You changed so fast - always asking for sex and more money. Did you eventually get the sex you were asking for?" He asked angrily, his knuckles were turning white.

"No." I replied quietly - Jacob rarely got angry, but when he did you don't want to mess with him.

"When they - when it changed you, I left because you pushed me away. You told me to leave and never come back - just because I wouldn't have sex with you. Because I was being respectful - because I loved you."

I didn't say anything, which was rare for me. I remained quiet while I thought, I rested my head on the window and thought. Letting his words sink into my flesh, into my brain.

"But you don't love me anymore?" I asked, I didn't look at him - fearing the worst answer.

"I do love you, I always will - but just not this you." I felt his eyes on me - I still didn't meet his gaze.

I was angry - at him, but mostly myself. I let something so small get out of hand, but still somewhere in the back of my mind, I still wanted smack.

I still needed it.

"Then you might as well stop loving me - I can't change what's been done. It's coiled so tight around my way to live - I can't live without it." I said before curling up into a little ball and closing my eyes.


	6. Guessing

**_WARNING: This story contains drug abuse and violence, I am not promoting drugs nor violence, and I haven't and never will do them. This is an experiment and I've done my research on drugs. Intended for mature audiences. This is a new side to Nessie that I haven't really seen/read before, so I decided to write it instead. If this is to much for you to handle already, then you can leave if you wish, just leave a review telling me you dislikes. It would be greatly appreciated. If you are intrigued in this story, review and tell me your likes & dislikes. It would help, a lot. Intended for mature audiences.._**

**_enjoy (:_**

Nessie's POV-

I woke up in a warm bed wearing not my own clothing - hot arms were wrapped around me, burning my skin is a nice way, my eyes fluttered open to see Jacob sleeping, his arms tightened around my waist. I almost groaned.

Jacob Black slept with me in the same bed last night, and undressed me.

How did I not wake up?

"Jacob." I said softly, while prying at his arms. He didn't respond.

"Jacob." I said louder, when he didn't wake up I slapped his naked shoulder. "Wake up!" His eyes opened and he smiled lazily.

"Good morning beautiful." He said softly as he pulled me closer to his body. I rolled my eyes and tried to get loose from his arms.

"Let me go," I said softly, though the tone of my voice sounded annoyed.

"No, Just sleep a little more - lay in bed with me like we used to every morning, remember?" He asked softly, he pressed his face to my neck and kissed my creamy skin softly. I closed my eyes for a second and started to relish in the touch of his lips on my neck before snapping out of it and trying to turn away from him.

"No, I don't want to." I said angrily,

He laughed lightly before kissing my neck again, "That's why your body just slacked in my arms?" He asked, he sounded cocky.

Ass. Hole.

"Because I'm tired, I'd be screaming at you if I was actually half awake." I said, my tone was more on the bitch side. I hope he feels bad. I smiled smugly to myself before he spoke again.

"Stop lying to yourself - and me." He begged - his voice barely registering above a whisper.

"Stop trying to act like I want you. I do - I don't." I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping he didn't catch my slip up.

"Stop it." He said more harshly this time, I knew it drove him crazy when I didn't listen to him.

I wiggled some more, his grip loosened lightly - but it was still tight. "Make me," I challenged before almost getting free of his arms.

"What did you just say?" He asked while pulling me back against his body.

"Make. Me." I said again, annoyance was seeping out of my mouth and intertwining with my challenging words.

He flipped us over quickly, My back was against the mattress while Jacob hovered over me. "Say that - one more time." He asked with a smirk, while gripping onto my hips. I swallowed and began to say it - but his lips crashed onto mine before I could mutter the first syllable. I fought him for a few seconds before my mind clouded up and I began kissing him back. I grabbed his shoulders and pressed myself closer to him, feeling his warmth envelope me. My legs wrapped around his waist, I tried my hardest to not . . . grind on him. The thought made me giggle.

I froze and my eyes flew open, I pushed myself away from Jacob - who was smiling like he just won the lottery. "You kissed me back, now tell me why you keep lying to me?"

I crawled out from underneath him and off the bed, "You took advantage of me - I was half asleep." I said softly while walking away out of his bedroom.

"Bullshit, Nessie. I know you still feel it - you still feel everything." He got up and followed me. I walked in the kitchen and opened random drawers, looking for something.

"Nope," I said and opened another drawer I found a single pack of Camel and praised softly. Since when did Jake smoke? No, he didn't . . . why did he have these? Jacob saw me grab them, but he took them from my grasp as soon as I touched them.

"Are you fucking crazy?" He nearly shouted, I shook my head no and tried to grab them back. "Nessie - No. You know I can't give these to you."

I growled lightly and tried to take them again, this time he threw them out the open window - it was raining outside. I hissed and pushed past him quickly. He grabbed my waist and pulled me back, holding me in place.

"Jacob - let me go!" I shouted, while trying to pry his hands off of me. "Jacob! Let go!"

"No!" He shouted back before pushing me against the wall. "You don't need that!" He held my face with his hands, forcing me to look him in the eyes.

"I do Jacob - I do, I can't just - I just can't not have it. I need it!" I yelled, my voice started to break off slightly as the tears began to trickle down my face.

"No, no you fucking don't - look at me Nessie!" He said, I felt the alpha command down in the tips of my toes. My eyes darted up and stared into his. "You know what you need?" He asked softly, his eyes lost the hardness they possessed seconds ago.

"I need sm - " He pressed his lips onto mine roughly, only for a few seconds - but none the less it was still a kiss. One I returned hastily.

"You need me." He mumbled against my lips, my body slacked in his arms. Was I really giving in this easily?

Was he right? Do I really need him? Were drugs just my - my replacement for him?

"You don't know that, Jake." I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

He sighed, he laid his face in the crook of my neck and placed a small kiss on the skin there. "I do know that, and so do you."

I shook my head slightly, though the gesture wasn't very clear.

"God Ness - you don't understand how much you mean to me - you're my everything. And having you in my arms when you don't want to be is even harder to deal with." He mumbled, "To think I spent months just sitting here, thinking about how fucking terrible my life was without you by my side. Nessie, I fucking need you more that the air I breathe - because you are my air."

My mind was blank. Nothing could have prepared me to hear that, nothing.

"Jacob - look at me." I said softly, I didn't even know what I was about to do. But I knew it was drastic.

He looked up and straight into my doe brown eyes, the color of milk chocolate he once said.

"I love you." I said softly, before placing my lips softly on his. My hands held his face gently, that's when I knew the words I said were absolutely true.


	7. Holy Shit

**_WARNING: This story contains drug abuse and violence, I am not promoting drugs nor violence, and I haven't and never will do them. This is an experiment and I've done my research on drugs. Intended for mature audiences. This is a new side to Nessie that I haven't really seen/read before, so I decided to write it instead. If this is to much for you to handle already, then you can leave if you wish, just leave a review telling me you dislikes. It would be greatly appreciated. If you are intrigued in this story, review and tell me your likes & dislikes. It would help, a lot. Intended for mature audiences.._**

**_So, I'm eating italian and writing this. Life is good._**

Nessie's POV-

The smile he gave me was the one I haven't seen in a long time, it was that beautiful smile that went from ear to ear. He nuzzled his face back in my neck, I could feel his smile against my skin as he laid a few soft kisses on my neck. "I knew she was still in there. I knew my Nessie was still here." He wrapped his arms around my waist and picked me up, he twirled me around while kissing every inch of my face.

"Jake!" I half screamed - half laughed, "Put me down!"

He laughed and set me back on the floor. "I'm so happy," He whispered as he pressed me against the wall again. "And, I love you too Nessie."

I let the words sink in, the pit of my stomach was twisting. Butterfly's were fluttering around all throughout me. I never thought I'd be so happy to hear those words again.

The doorbell rang, I heard voices speaking on the other side. "Yo, Jake man! Get out here! You gonna come help us set up the bonfire for tonight or what!" A voice yelled as the door flung open. Revealing Quil, Embry and Seth.

"Holy shit." Quil said, his eyes were bulging out of his head when he looked at Jacob and me. I laughed lightly and pushed Jacob off of my body.

Jacob cleared his throat and looked at all three of them. "Well I was going to . . . until now." Jake looked back at me ad smiled, I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and crossed my arms over my chest. I was slightly uncomfortable standing in from of them all wearing nothing but Jacob's shirt.

"I'm gonna go change . . . " I half mumbled as I walked out of the living room and into the master bedroom. I stripped my clothing and made my way into the bathroom. I turned the facet to hot for the shower and stepped under the spray.

In a course of three days, a lot of shit can change.

I washed my hair and conditioned it too. I shaved my legs, under arms and everywhere else that needed to be shaved with a razor I found under the sink in an unopened package.

I thought back to the three little words I said earlier. I knew they were true - but did that mean Jake and I were _together _again? I mean, we were kissing and hugging - and we both said those words.

Were we together? I groaned in frustration, not really knowing whether or not to ask him. I didn't want to be to forward with him about it.

Then my mind trailed over to drugs, I looked at my arm and saw the little scars from the pricks of the needles. I really wanted some heroine . . . maybe I could get something. Something close to that . . . my thoughts trailed off as I thought about where I could get some. Even If I was just in the hospital for an overdose doesn't mean I can't find something to roll a joint - of shoot up in my veins. Right?

Wrong. Wrong, wrong. Wrong. You can't do that! My conscious screamed at me. I shook my head and tried to change my thoughts to something better . . . to Jacob.

But then they just went right back to drugs.

And the cigarettes laying outside . . . It stopped raining, I could tell as I pushed my hearing range outdoors. I smiled and turned the water off. They would be a little soggy but they could dry, right?

I hope.

I stepped out of the shower and squeezed the water out of my hair. I grabbed a towel from under the sink and wrapped it around my body. I walked out of the bathroom and saw Jacob sitting on the bed, staring at me.

"Want to go to a bonfire tonight?" He asked while clasping his hands together tightly. I didn't miss his eyes trailing down my body.

"Sure. Are we going over to help set up?" I say as I walked over to the closet, hoping that he put my clothing in here. I opened my mouth to ask what the temperature was but he cut me off by talking.

"Yeah - and it's like 80 degrees outside." I looked back at him and laughed lightly. I opened the closet door that revealed every piece of clothing I had owned before breaking up with Jacob - they were from the days before my drug days.

I smiled and turned around to face him. "You kept everything?"

"Of course I did." He replied while standing up and leaving the room so I could change. I watched him leave without saying a word.

I shook my head in confusion before picking out a pair of jean shorts from . . . Hollister. I rolled my eyes and grabbed a light blue tank top. I closed the closet doors and walked over to the dresser, I didn't know what to expect but I was also shocked to see all of my bra, thong and pantie sets. I rolled my eyes and put on my favorite bra and pantie set. It was green with black lace. I pulled on the thong first and then the bra. It had one of those difficult hooks in the back that I really didn't want to struggle with. Jacob has seen me in this stuff before . . . So I shouldn't be freaking out if I need him to hook my bra.

"Jacob." I called out while holding the bra together behind my back. He walked into the room and his jaw dropped.

"Ye - yeah?" He asked, while trying to keep his eyes on my face.

"I can't hook it, will you do it?" I asked shyly, he swallowed and nodded his head. He walked over to me and I turned around so he could hook it together.

"Thanks." I said with a smile and walked over to the clothing I laid out on the bed. I pulled on my shorts and then the tank top. He was still standing there, staring at me like he was trying to figure something out.

"What?" I asked.

"Why didn't you just hook it together before putting it on?" He asked, I rolled my eyes.

"That's how it stretches out and gets ruined."

"Oh." He said before knitting his eyebrows together. "Well, just for your information - I forgot how good you look in underwear." My cheeks turned tomato red right at that moment.

I laughed nervously and went back to the closet. I picked out a pair of flip flops and noticed Jake went into the bathroom. I heard the water turn on so I left the room and quickly and walked down the hallway and outside. I walked to where the Cigarettes were and picked them up - they weren't soggy or anything. They were under the protection of the roof. "Oh thank God." I whispered as I shoved them in my back pocket before running back inside and hiding them in my bra and underwear draw in the bedroom.

I walked calmly out of the room again, but I was so excited - they weren't ruined!

Today is going to be a good day.


	8. Hit me

**_WARNING: This story contains drug abuse and violence, I am not promoting drugs nor violence, and I haven't and never will do them. This is an experiment and I've done my research on drugs. Intended for mature audiences. This is a new side to Nessie that I haven't really seen/read before, so I decided to write it instead. If this is to much for you to handle already, then you can leave if you wish, just leave a review telling me you dislikes. It would be greatly appreciated. If you are intrigued in this story, review and tell me your likes & dislikes. It would help, a lot. Intended for mature audiences.._**

Nessie's POV-

"Do I have to help too?" I asked him while we walked to First beach.

Jake laughed and interlaced our fingers once we were coming close to where everyone was. He still wants to make sure everyone knows I'm his. I rolled my eyes and tightened my grip on his hand, or at least I tried. His whole hand swallowed mine. "Probably, but with setting the food up and stuff. Emily needs help with that, since she's pregnant and all."

Greaaat. A pregnant woman. Just perfect.

"Oh yay. Fun." I grumbled, he nudged my shoulder lightly and I frowned. "She's going to be all hormonal!" I half yelled, he looked at me for a second before he burst out laughing.

"Nah, Emily is cool." He said with a reassuring smile.

Yeah, sure. Whatever you say Jake.

"She hates me." I whined, I pressed my palm to his cheek and showed him my one memory of her,

_"Oh Jake, who's the ginger?" The tall, beautiful tan woman asked. I looked over at her with a glare._

_"I'm not a ginger," I said while holding my chin up high._

_She laughed sarcastically. "She's a bitch too."_

_"She is not a bitch! God, you're the bitch!"_

I pulled my hand away and gave him the I - told - you - so look.

"No, Ness! Oh god no, that's _Leah_!" He said while laughing. "Emily has the scars . . . on her face." He whispered, while looking around.

A face came to my mind before I smacked my forehead. "Oh! Emily! The girl who gave me muffins? Sam's wife?" I asked while raising one eyebrow in question.

"Yes, that's Emily." He nodded towards someone and I looked over to a woman pulling bags of food onto a table. "Now, go help her." He leg go of my hand and pushed me forward, I started walking and felt a light smack on my behind. I jumped up and gasped before spinning around to see Jacob grinning as he jogged away from me.

I rolled my eyes and turned back around, I continued walking until I was standing next to Emily. She looked up and her eyes widened. "Renesmee!" She screamed, she threw her arms around me and embraced me tightly. I hugged her back tentatively, I didn't know her that well. Why was she so happy?

"Hi . . . Emily?" I asked with a questioning tone to my voice.

"Oh you're back! It's been so long! How are you? Are you and Jacob okay now? Are you together? How's your family?" She asked quickly while gripping my hands.

Yep, I defiantly hate pregnant women.

"I'm back, yes I know it's been long, I'm good - how are you? Jacob and I are okay, I guess we're together again - and my family is all good." I took a deep breath and smiled.

"I'm great, thank you for asking." She said with a beaming smile. "Would you like to help me set up food? The boys will probably eat everything as soon as it's on the table so let's be quick!" She laughed and began setting things out in bowls. I grabbed the bag of cups and put them out, along with the paper plates and silverware.

I smelled smoke and my head darted up, it wasn't the regular smoke from a cigarette. Two guys in the distance were smoking a joint, I think I even drooled a bit.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Hmm? Oh yes, yeah I'm fine." I said quickly, my fingertips were tingling and I inhaled the smoke that came towards me because of the breeze.

I bit my lip and continued to set food out.

Maybe I could just excuse myself and leave without Emily really noticing, then I could go and ask the guys for a hit - i'm sure they'd let me. Right? I mean, if I batted my eyelashes a bit they'd be goners.

"I'll be right back Emily - I wanna check something out." I said softly. I looked at her and she looked back up at me.

"Oh okay. Don't be long, dear!" She said with a smile before getting more food out. I almost let out a sigh of relief before I started walking away. I looked around - no one noticed me leaving. I soon began running to where the two guys were. They were falling all over the place and laughing at each other.

They were maybe fourteen.

"Uh, hey. Mind if I take a hit?" I asked quickly while looking at them with my signature Cullen smile.

One of the guys looked at me for a second before looking back at his friend.

"Yeah, sure thing sexy laaady!" He said with a sly smile that seemed a little lopsided.

He's a newbie.

I smiled and took the joint, I brought it to my mouth and inhaled deeply before holding it for a few seconds. I let out puffs of smoke and smile before repeating twice. "Thanks, I needed that." I said with another smile before giving it back. I turned around and started running back to the beach. I took my Pink body spay and spritzed myself a few times before unwrapping a piece of mint gum and popping it into my mouth. As I started to walk away it hit me, the rush of pleasure and happiness just hit me like a truck and I stumbled to the ground while giggling.

He'll never know.

I walked back to where Emily was just finishing up putting the last back of chips out. "Oh that was quick, where did you do?" She asked with a trusting smile.

Shit, what do I tell her?

"I uh, ran back to the house to pee?" I said with a light questioning tone to my voice.

"Oh, okay." She said with a laugh. "I'm bound to have to pee any time soon too, with these twins pressing on my bladder twenty four seven!" She laughed and picked all of the store bags and put them into a bigger bag.

I played with a curl while smiling. I just lied to a pregnant woman, I think this is the first time i've ever felt guilty for lying.

Damnit!

"Hey beautiful." Jacob's husky voice came from behind me as he wrapped his arms around me. I felt him kiss my temple and then my cheek.

"Hey," I said with a small smile.

Please, please, please, please don't smell anything.

He stiffened, and growled softly. "Excuse us, Emily." Jacob pulled me away from her, shit.

I started to get woozy and I let out a little giggle. It was starting to take effect, I felt giddy.

"Are you stupid? You're fucking high! How - where - when?" He yelled in a whisper. I laughed lightly and hit his chest softly.

"Oh chill out Jakey!" I laughed again and wobbled a bit. He steady me and growled. "These boys were smoking some stuff and I wanted some! They let me have a hit or four. I don't really remember." I said as I scrunched up my face, how many did I drag?

He rubbed his face and he groaned. "We can't stay when you're like this - dammit Ness!"

"Can we go to Lowe's?" I asked while laughing,

I couldn't really think straight, which isn't a good thing?

"What - why?" He asked confused.

"So I can take Lego's there and ask them to build something with me." I said with a serious face before bursting out in laughter. "Ooooh Jake! Let's go do that NOW!" I said while giggling. I grabbed his hand and started to pull him with me. A few of Jake's friends gave us weird looks as I dragged him away. "WE'RE GOING TO LOWES SO WE CAN BUILD SOMETHING TOGETHER!" I said in a sing song voice. It was quiet for a moment before laughter erupted from behind us.

"Ness - seriously We're not going to Lowes. C'mon." He said, he looked a little stressed.

"But Jaaaaykey." I whined. I sat down in the sand and peered up at him. I sniffled and juted my lower lip out. "Please?"

He took a deep breath before rubbing the back of his neck. "How about we just go home and then when you're not under the influence we can go to Lowes?"

My eyes turned to slits as I stared at him. "Fine." I got up, with a little help from Jake and started walking again. I almost fell three time, my mind was really hazy. Why is it like this, it's never like this?

"Ness - Jesus Christ." He said in a groan before picking me up, "I'm just going to carry you home."

I giggled before laying my head on his broad shoulder. "Oooh Jake - you're so strong." I mumbled while caressing his chest with my fingers, He tensed for a moment before relaxing again.

"Yeah, yeah." He mumbled as he held me securely in one arm so he could open the door with his other hand. Jake walked inside and closed the door with his foot before continuing into the bedroom, He laid me down on the bed before lowering himself gently next to me. "I have a feeling you're gonna put me through a lot of trouble," He said with a sad smile. He looked up at the ceiling as I stared at him.

"But, trouble every once in awhile is a good thing." I mumbled, I closed my eyes and smiled lazily.

"Just go to sleep Ness." Was the last thing I head before drifting off.


	9. Sorry's Never Good Enough

**_WARNING: This story contains drug abuse and violence, I am not promoting drugs nor violence, and I haven't and never will do them. This is an experiment and I've done my research on drugs. Intended for mature audiences. This is a new side to Nessie that I haven't really seen/read before, so I decided to write it instead. If this is to much for you to handle already, then you can leave if you wish, just leave a review telling me you dislikes. It would be greatly appreciated. If you are intrigued in this story, review and tell me your likes & dislikes. It would help, a lot. Intended for mature audiences.._**

Nessie's POV-

I opened my eyes to a black room, the moon was shinning brightly through the open window. I rolled over and hit a warm half naked body next to me.

Jacob.

I sat up and rubbed the back of my neck. I knew I took a hit yesterday, but why couldn't I remember what happened?

Bonfire . . .

Jacob . . .

Helping Emily . . . .

Took a hit . . .

Blank.

I groaned and kept thinking in that order.

"Ness, you awake?" Jacob asked softly.

"Yeah," I mumbled.

"Can't remember?" He asked softly,

"No." I replied, this used to happen a lot and so he knew the routine.

"Lowes?" He said, usually key words would make things click in my mind.

Bonfire . . .

Jacob . . .

Helping Emily . . .

Took a hit . . .

Goes back to Emily . . .

Jacob comes over . . .

Smells the weed . . .

We argue . . .

Lowes.

"I wanted to go to Lowes with a box of Lego's? What the hell . . . " I trail off and rub my face, I was so far gone yesterday.

He laughed dryly. He was still pissed.

"You're mad, I know." I said under my breath. "I'm a fuck up, it's printed on my forehead. Dad should have given you to caution manual or whatever."

"No you're not, you just like dangerous stuff."

My eyes widened as I froze.

Shit, shit, triple _shit_.

Oh my God, Brad!

"Where's my phone?" I asked suddenly.

"Here - why?" He handed it to me, "It's been off since you were at the hospital."

How could I have forgotten a person! How could my family not tell me - or Jacob. I knew they hated him, but how could they do that?

"Jake, don't be mad. But - I forgot, all about him. When you said dangerous, it clicked." My phone started lighting up and buzzing. 12 text's and 18 missed calls. I groaned and held my face in my hands.

"Him? Who - what are you talking about?" He said a little harshly.

Oh no, Jacob.

I dialed Brad's number quickly, it rang once before he picked up.

"Ren! Babe - Jen just told me earlier about what happened. Where are you? I went to the hospital and everything but they said you checked out. Baby, where are you, I've been freaking out about you. I'm so worried"

"Brad - oh my God. I'm so sorry." I whispered, I looked at Jacob through the hand that was covering my eyes.

He wasn't happy.

"Where are you? I'm coming to get you," I heard shuffling around.

"I'm at Jacob's," I said softly.

He didn't reply for a few moments. "You're with him, aren't you?" He sounded hurt.

I closed my eyes again. "Brad, you know I love you. But you know how random things blank from my mind . . . "

"I blanked?" He asked, his voice was hoarse.

"I - yeah."

"I'm still coming to see you, you're in Forks, right?" He asked, the hurt in his voice made me cringe.

"Yeah, same place."

"Alright baby. I - I'll see you tomorrow or something." The phone line went dead and my shoulders slacked.

How could I do this?

"You have a boyfriend?"

"Six months." I said softly, knowing what question was coming next.

He sighed and turned a light on, he got out of bed and started walking out of the room. I looked at the curve of his back that I liked so much,

"What are you going to do?" He mumbled, while not looking at me. He was gripping the door frame tightly, "Last time I saw you was six months ago, how did you even meet him?"

"I don't know. I don't remember, at a party? You left, or well - we both left, and I met him and I just didn't know what to do so he helped me. Brad was my base for awhile, he kept me out of trouble. But still let me have fun."

"Do you love him?" He asked, his voice didn't lose it's tone. It stayed normal even if his grip was getting tighter.

"I love you," I replied. He was breaking and cracking on the inside.

"That wasn't my question."

"Yes, I do." I replied softly.

_But not like I love you._

He dropped his head, his shoulder shaking.

"He's human," I murmured.

"Does he know?" Jacob asked. He was loosing it slowly, but I knew it was coming.

"Everything."

I heard him take a deep breath in slowly, then out.

"Alright." Was all he said before he started walking away. "I have to patrol, see you later."

Then he was gone, and I was all alone.

Again.

What have I done?


	10. Loved Is A Past Tense

**_WARNING: This story contains drug abuse and violence, I am not promoting drugs nor violence, and I haven't and never will do them. This is an experiment and I've done my research on drugs. Intended for mature audiences. This is a new side to Nessie that I haven't really seen/read before, so I decided to write it instead. If this is to much for you to handle already, then you can leave if you wish, just leave a review telling me you dislikes. It would be greatly appreciated. If you are intrigued in this story, review and tell me your likes & dislikes. It would help, a lot. Intended for mature audiences.._**

Nessie's POV-

I got out of bed and dragged myself to the bathroom, I took a long shower; relishing in the ice cold spray. I washed my hair and body slowly, not even caring how much time it was taking. I turned the faucet off with shaking hands, my teeth chattered as I stepped out of the shower into the crisp air. It was warmer than the water, goosebumps arose all over my body in a tenth of a second. I took in a jagged breath and the air whisked into my lungs, making me shake harder. I wrapped a towel around my body and walked out of the bathroom slowly. Jacob was sitting on the edge of the bed, clasping and unclasping his hands together.

I stood in the doorway, starring at him. "You were in there for at least an hour?" He questioned, still not looking at me while clasping his hands together.

"Give or take a few extra minuets." I said raspy. I cleared my throat and waited for him to say something.

He sighed and finally looked up at me. His eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Why do you look blue?" I would have laughed if we were in any other situation, but not now.

"Cold shower, they normally clear my head." I replied dryly.

Seconds went by as he scrutinized me over, trying to figure something out. "Well, did it?" He asked, his eyebrows still knitted and his eyes still looking hard.

"No."

"Oh." He said. He stood slowly, turning back into a 6 foot 8 inched man. His height was far superior to my 5 foot 6 inches. "When is this Brad guy coming?" I watched him as he rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit.

"Tomorrow morning, maybe. I'm not sure. I really don't care at this point either." I shrugged my shoulders and began walking towards the dresser. Jacob still stood there, watching me. "What?" I asked, feeling kind of self conscious.

"Nothing," He shook his head and started to leave the room. "Oh, by the way. You have therapy tomorrow at nine, I hope Brad can take you. I won't be here." I listened as his footsteps echoed further and further away. The door opened and then slammed shut. I let out the air I was holding in, and closed my eyes.

"You really messed up this time, Nessie." I said softly to myself as I put on a matching bra and panties set. I then put on sweat pants and a black tank top. I was putting on a pair of socks when I heard the front door open.

"Ness?" This time I was the one kitting my eyebrows together in confusion. I popped my head out of the door from the bedroom into the hallway.

"Yeah?" I asked, I looked at Jacob who sighed in relief.

"Come here," He said softly. "I felt like something bad was about to happen." I walked slowly towards him, unsure what was really going on. When I got to him, he pulled me into a hug and sighed into the crook of my neck where he placed a single kiss.

What is going on?

"Uh, care to explain this sudden behavior?" I asked,

"Jesus, you're freezing." He picked me up bridal style and carried me back to the bedroom.

What the hell?

"Jake - what are you doing?"

"Shh." He said softly as he laid us both down onto the bed. "Don't worry about it."

"I'm obviously going to worry when you're mad at me one second, and then the next you're acting like this?" I said, my tone was kind of harsh but I didn't care. I was confused beyond comprehension.

"Don't ask questions, just shh."

"Jacob! I'm not kidding!" I nearly yelled as I sat up. He twirled one of my curls around his finger as he smiled softly. "What has gotten into you?"

"You're so cute when you're angry." He smile,

I almost growled, he was pissing me off on purpose. "Angry yet?" He asked, he stopped playing with my hair and became serious.

"A little."

"That's just a fifteenth of how I felt when you talked about this Brad guy." He said a little harshly. "I try Nessie, I try and try again. But somehow you know just the right way to send me crashing back down. You're not healthy for me, but you're my perfect match. You're my damn soul mate, yet you treat me like this when I do every fucking thing I can just to keep you out of trouble." He stood up this time and put distance between us. "Why? Can't you see how you're basically killing yourself - and the people around you? Why do you like to do that? Why Nessie? What happened to you?"

I sat there hugging the cream comforter to my chest as I stared at him. "I don't know."

"Oh, you don't? Really, are you sure? What set you off, what made you do that to your body?" He asked angrily.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled as a tears trailed their way down my cheeks.

"No you're not, you just can't explain yourself." He sat at a chair in the corner of a room. He leaned over and rested his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together as he looked at me firmly.

"You didn't want me, Jacob. But - but Brad did." I mumbled and I made a feeble attempt to wipe the tears away.

"I didn't want you? No, wrong. I wanted you - _so _fucking _much_. But I was waiting for you to get better. I didn't want to share something intimate with you when you were - were always just . . . not you. When you became friends with that Jen girl, the one who called us, I'm guessing the Brad guy came into the picture? So, when I said no and that you weren't ready - I was right. Wasn't I? You were so messed up at that point, having sex with you would mess you up even more. I was doing the right thing. Because _I loved you." _

He took a deep breath and began talking again. "Not because 'I didn't want you'. But Brad doesn't know you like I do, he didn't know you weren't ready to be involved in something like that. He's the reason you went down hill so fast, the reason everything that happened after that point - happened. So, tell me why you love him - when he did so much damage to you."

I let his words sink in, _why do you love him - when he did so much damage to you. _"Because I'm stupid, and naive and I thought I knew what was best for me."

"But you don't." He said, his voice was soft again.

"No, I don't." The tears stopped, I was just starring at a random piece of fuzz on the carpet.

_Brad doesn't know you like I do, he didn't know you weren't ready to be involved in something like that. He's the reason you went down hill so fast, the reason everything that happened after that point - happened. _"You know me, though. You know what's best for me." I said softly, I looked at Jacob - my eyes glassy, my breath hitched.

Just say something.

"Not anymore." He stood up and looked at me one more time. "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, then you know it's real." I watched him as he left for the second time tonight, he was leaving me - for good.

I let out the breath I was holding in for so long, a sob followed along with tears. My body shook as his words replayed through my mind like a broken record.

_I was waiting for you to get better. __I was doing the right thing, Because __I loved you._

Love is a current term, loved is a past term.

Jacob doesn't love me anymore.

Jacob doesn't love me.

"He doesn't love me." I said, my voice was nearly lifeless. I stood up hastily and flung the covers off of my body, I stumbled off the bed and out of the room. I ran down the hallway and out the door, it was pouring outside. Thunder crackled loudly above me as I ran out into the front yard, I looked around quickly - My hands were shaking, I was turning numb.

_The only time you feel numb is when they don't care anymore. _I recall one past imprint said, her wolf gave up on her for some reason, one I didn't know.

"Jacob!" I screamed into the night, the rain hit my body like daggers. Stinging my flesh and turning it blue. "Jacob!" I yelled again, a sob followed along with a crackled of thunder. "Jacob," I yelled softly this time as I fell into the muddy grass. My tears mixed in with the rain my body was numb and limp.

What have I done?

* * *

**Wooooo, Jacob stood up for himself. Muahaha (:**

**Review please! !**


	11. Delia

Jacob's POV-

I felt like a pussy sitting here thinking about sad music like a damn girl.

_I loved you, you made me, hate me. __You gave me, hate, see? __It saved me and these tears are deadly. __You feel that? __I rip back, every time you tried to steal that. __You feel bad? you feel sad? _ _I'm sorry, hell no fuck that! __It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, it was your knife. __This strife it dies, this life and these lies. __And these lungs have sung this song for too long, and its true I hurt too, remember I loved you!_

Yep, defiantly a pussy.

_I wish I could I could have quit you. __I wish I never missed you, a__nd told you that I loved you, every time I fucked you. __The future that we both drew, and all the shit we've been through._ _Obsessed with the thought of you, the pain just grew and grew! __How could you do this to me? __Look at what I made for you, it never was enough and the world is what I gave to you._ _I used to be love struck; now I'm just fucked up. _

I never fucked her, but I am pretty fucked up.

_"You have the easiest imprint ever bro," _I remember Quil saying. _"She's already super natural, or whatever this shit we are - her family doesn't hate you. You get to see her whenever. Bro, you have it good."_

Yep, so easy. Especially when your imprint is like mine, always screwing me over for drugs and what not.

Bullshit.

"Hey man, you okay?" Paul asked. Rachel let me inside, but I told her I didn't want to talk.

"No," I replied dryly.

"What happened?" He sat down across from me and handed me a beer. I didn't open it, I just set it on the tabel and starred.

"Everything."

"Elaborate?" He said with a laugh.

"I'm serious, basically everything bad happened. She has another guy, whom she somehow forgot about, her drug issues are out of control - she's just not Nessie."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa - Nessie? No way man, really?" He took a drink of beer and looked at me in disbelief.

"Yeah, really." I said. I started to shake just thinking about her. "I don't know why I didn't fucking do anything sooner. I just sat herr for months while she fucked herself up. Damnit!" I rubbed my face with my hands as I shook.

"Calm down, man. Don't be to harsh on yourself." I took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. My thoughts went back to one of my favorite time with her.

_"Jake! Come here, look at this puppy!" Her voice called out. I went to where she was standing in the animal shelter. She was starring at a tiny white fur ball. "She's so cute." I watched as her small hand fit under the cage bars, the tiny puppy bounded towards Nessie and licked her hand rapidly. Ness laughed as she tickled and petted the tiny thing._

_"I know daddy said don't bring any pet's home, but please Jake? Please?" Her gorgeous face held my eyes captivly, as her huge doe brown eyes looked their way into mine._

_"Ness . . . " I started off. _

_"Please, please, pleeease Jake?" She took my huge hands in her tiny ones as she jumped up and down saying please over and over again._

_"Ugh. Fine." I caved, of course I did._

_"YES!" She opened the cage and took the baby puppy in her arms carefully. I watched as she played with it and I filled out all the forms and stuff. I gave the lady the money and left with a very happy Nessie._

_"What should we call her? Oh! How about snowball! No, no, um . . . Delia? Oooh! Yes! Delia!" _

_"Like the store?" I said with a laugh as we drove to the nearest pet shop._

_"Well, I guess? I don't know, I just think it fits her. Who's a cute wittle baby puppy! Oh yes, yes you are!" Nessie cooed over the animal all through out the day, talking to it like it was a baby._

_"It's not a baby, Nessie. It's a dog." I laughed again as I grabbed the bags of stuff Ness insisted Delia had._

_Like I said, it's a dog?_

_"Jake, it's a puppy. I'm going to love it to death." She stated as she walked into our house._

_"Pun intended." I said under my breath._

_"Jake!" I heard her yell from inside._

_"It's true!" I said once I was in our house. She set the puppy down and watched it bounce around, yipping and yapping._

_Oh great, it's one of those dogs._

_"I can't wait to put your name tag on your cute collar!" Ness said as she petted the puppy._

"Yo, earth to Jake?" Paul said, I blinked a few times before looking at Paul.

"Uh yeah, sorry. Flashback."

"Man, you would be having flashbacks." He said as he stood up with a laugh.

"Where's Delia?" I suddenly asked.

Shit, I hope he still had the dog.

"Probably sleeping in Kenzie's room, maybe in Nathans. Why?" He asked.

I stood up and walked to where Kenzie's room was, I heard Paul grumble something about me being stupid. I almost laughed. I opened my nieces door slowly, I saw Delia immediately. Her head popped up and turned sideways as she stared at me.

She yipped as she jumped off the bed and bounded towards me. Once she got outside of the room, I shut the door and picked her up gently. She licked my face hastily with her tiny little pink tongue. It's only been nine months since Ness and I got her, but she's barely grown.

Damn it, this dog was giving me bad memeories that I didn't want to think about. One's where Nessie was normal.

"You can take that thing back, I don't want it. It's always yapping while looking out the window at every person that passes by." Paul said, he was sitting at the kitchen table with my sister. I sat down with them, still holding the face licking dog.

"It might make her remember." Rach said sadly,

"Remember what?" I said while trying to get the dog to stop licking me.

"Remember being happy, the dog might want to make her change."

I set the dog on the floor, but it hopped back into my lap. I whined and I rolled my eyes, I petted it softly.

"Renesmee won't ever be the same, trust me." I said angrily, I looked at the wall to focus my mind on something other than her.

"You could always try, Jake. Don't give up." Rachel said again, she rested a hand on top of my clenched fists.

"She's given up." I retorted.

"Doesn't mean you have to, too."

Sometimes, it does.

* * *

**I tried in Jake's POV. Just to see what I could do. Haha, REVIEW PLEASE! (:(:(:**


	12. I'm All Sorts Of Crazy Without You

**WARNING: This story contains drug abuse and violence, I am not promoting drugs nor violence, and I haven't and never will do them. This is an experiment and I've done my research on drugs. Intended for mature audiences. This is a new side to Nessie that I haven't really seen/read before, so I decided to write it instead. If this is to much for you to handle already, then you can leave if you wish, just leave a review telling me you dislikes. It would be greatly appreciated. If you are intrigued in this story, review and tell me your likes & dislikes. It would help, a lot. Intended for mature audiences..**

**Hi everyone, I just wanted to say that I am so thankful for all of you wishing me your condolences. It means so much to me, you can hardly imagine it (Insert a billion hearts here.) This chapter is dedicated to all of you & I know now that my grandparents are proud of me for braving through all of this and continuing to flow down the river of life.**

Nessie's POV-

I still sat there in the rain until the morning sun came and the rain dulled down to a light mist. My clothing stuck to my body as I stood up, I was a muddy disaster. The rising sun casted shadows and made my skin glitter. I averted my eyes from the sight, why did I have to grow up like this?

I shut the front door softly and let my body sink down to the floor as I rolled in a ball and cried. No tears came but the pain was all the same.

I don't know how long I sat their before someone rang the doorbell, I pushed myself up off the floor and opened it. Brad stood there, looking shocked as hell.

"Whoa."

"Hi to you too," I grumbled. I let him inside and went back to laying on the floor.

"What are you doing, soaking wet on the floor?" He asked, I could almost hear him getting angry.

"I'm dying. That's what." I replied. I felt his pick me up, I didn't move or make an effort to do anything. "No, put me back down." I whined,

"You're being stupid, seriously Ren. Just shut up." He carried me around the house until he found the bedroom. "Take a shower." He ordered.

"No." He groaned and picked me back up, he carried me into the bathroom and set me in the tub. He turned the water all the way to hot. "Do I have to take your clothing off and wash you too, or will you do that?"

I rolled my eyes and shooed him away with my hands. I stripped down to just my bare skin and laid in the tub. The hot water made my body burn, but I ignored the pain. I decided bubbled would be nice, and so I added some sud making rocks.

Brad came back in and sat on the floor. He stared at my face, trying to figure something out.

"It's Jacob?" He asked, the hurt in his eyes was shinning brightly. I nodded my head as I closed my eyes and let the bubbles cover my whole body except my head. "Am I the reason?"

I nodded again, my mood was slowly going down hill even faster. "What time is it?" I asked suddenly, I had therapy at nine.

"7:21?" He replied uncertainly.

"I have therapy at nine." I said softly,

"I'll take you," He offered, I nodded my head; agreeing silently. "So, what exactly happened?" He asked. I opened my eyes, he knows - but I've never used my gift on him.

"Let me show you." I placed my hand on his cheek and replayed a moment I just wanted to forget.

_"That's just a fifteenth of how I felt when you talked about this Brad guy." He said a little harshly. "I try Nessie, I try and try again. But somehow you know just the right way to send me crashing back down. You're not healthy for me, but you're my perfect match. You're my damn soul mate, yet you treat me like this when I do every fucking thing I can just to keep you out of trouble." He stood up this time and put distance between us. "Why? Can't you see how you're basically killing yourself - and the people around you? Why do you like to do that? Why Nessie? What happened to you?"_

_I sat there hugging the cream comforter to my chest as I stared at him. "I don't know."_

_"Oh, you don't? Really, are you sure? What set you off, what made you do that to your body?" He asked angrily._

_"I'm sorry," I mumbled as a tears trailed their way down my cheeks._

_"No you're not, you just can't explain yourself." He sat at a chair in the corner of a room. He leaned over and rested his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together as he looked at me firmly._

_"You didn't want me, Jacob. But - but Brad did." I mumbled and I made a feeble attempt to wipe the tears away._

_"I didn't want you? No, wrong. I wanted you - so fucking much. But I was waiting for you to get better. I didn't want to share something intimate with you when you were - were always just . . . not you. When you became friends with that Jen girl, the one who called us, I'm guessing the Brad guy came into the picture? So, when I said no and that you weren't ready - I was right. Wasn't I? You were so messed up at that point, having sex with you would mess you up even more. I was doing the right thing. Because I loved you." _

_He took a deep breath and began talking again. "Not because 'I didn't want you'. But Brad doesn't know you like I do, he didn't know you weren't ready to be involved in something like that. He's the reason you went down hill so fast, the reason everything that happened after that point - happened. So, tell me why you love him - when he did so much damage to you."_

_I let his words sink in, why do you love him - when he did so much damage to you. "Because I'm stupid, and naive and I thought I knew what was best for me."_

_"But you don't." He said, his voice was soft again._

_"No, I don't." The tears stopped, I was just starring at a random piece of fuzz on the carpet._

_Brad doesn't know you like I do, he didn't know you weren't ready to be involved in something like that. He's the reason you went down hill so fast, the reason everything that happened after that point - happened. "You know me, though. You know what's best for me." I said softly, I looked at Jacob - my eyes glassy, my breath hitched._

_"Not anymore." He stood up and looked at me one more time. "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, then you know it's real." _

I took my hand off of his cheek and sunk back down into the tub, I could feel his stare but I didn't dare to open my eyes.

"Jesus, Ren. Why - why the fuck didn't you tell me about yourself before I did screw you up even more!"

Now he was angry, great.

"Because I'm stupid. Because I didn't care. Because I wasn't thinking!" I stood and wrapped a towel around my body hastily.

"You were using me?" He asked, hurt clouded his face.

"Yes." I replied without skipping a beat. I stepped out of the bathroom with him following me.

"And you don't even care?"

"Of course I care! I do now . . . but I didn't back then. I was - I was selfish and just a bitch, I can't screw up anymore that I already have. I'm cutting you and everything else out of my life. You'll just drag me back down when I need to fix things." I dressed quickly, In something Aunt Alice would call a tragedy. Ripped skinny jeans, converse and some random T-shirt.

"Drag you back down . . . no! I'm the one that tried to pick you back up and put you together again!" He yelled, his face was turning red.

"You tried, but - but you're not Jacob. Jacob doesn't just try - he tries and tries again until it's perfect. You gave up." I went into the bathroom and threw my hair into a messy bun with curls flying everywhere. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, and even flossed.

"Whatever, it's not going to work. You're to much of a fuck up!" He screamed angrily,

"At least I didn't almost MURDER someone!" I screamed back as I pushed past him, he grabbed my wrist and tried to pin me to the wall.

Unsuccessful.

I spun us around and ended up pinning him against the wall.

"Don't try." I whispered.

"Watch me." He challenged.

I pushed myself away from him and pointed towards the hallway. "Leave, Brad."

"No." He said firmly.

"Then I'll just force you out of my house." I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him out of the room, down the hallway and to the front door. "One more chance. Leave."

"Fine, whatever. But I'm not giving up. I swear." He said as he opened the door and slammed it shut. I cringed at the noise.

I looked at the clock, it was only 7:46. I sighed and went back to the bedroom, I sat on the bed and rested my elbows on my knees. My hands went to my face as I tried to rub something away that wasn't physically there - the hurt.

Nearly an hour passed as I sat there and sulked - I got up off the bed and I grabbed my coat along with my keys. I locked the front door once I left the house, I don't know when my car got here, but I'm guessing it was my father who put it here - because there is was parked.

I drove myself to the hospital, hopefully Papa is working today. I parked and made my way towards the entrance of the hospital, I held my breath the whole time walking - but I'm not exactly sure why.

"Um, is Carlisle Cullen in today?" I asked the middle aged woman at the desk.

"Yes . . . who is asking for him." She replied dryly as she typed away on her computer.

"Uh, me?"

"Who are you to him." She said again, still not looking at me.

"Family?" She looked up and her eyes widened.

"Oh, you must be Renesmee." She said not to happily.

"Yeah, um hi. Where is he?"

"His office." She replied.

"Oh, alright." I walked away and towards the elevator, pressing the elevator buttons always used to excite me for some odd reason - but not today. I stepped inside and pressed the button for the 3rd floor, the doors closed slowly.

I leaned against the wall and cosed my eyes. I took a shaky breath in before letting it out again.

_I was doing the right thing. Because I loved you._

Jacob doesn't love me anymore, he loved me, but he doesn't love me. The doors opened along with my eyes, I walked out of the elevator and listened to the doors close as I walked down the hospital hallway to my grandfathers office. I knocked on the door once and let myself in, he didn't need to look up to know it was me.

"Good Morning Renesmee," He said with a smile while still reading some medical journal.

"Morning," I mumbled back. I sat in a plush chair that was seated in front of his desk. I watched as he looked up from his book slowly with furrowed brows. "What's wrong?" He asked softly, he set his book down and sat straight up in his seat.

"Nothing, just tired." I replied while twirling my fingers together. "And nervous too, I guess."

He paused and the spoke again. "Where's Jacob?"

My breath hitched hearing his name out loud, my heart increased in speed, my hands grew clammy and I felt my body go numb. I licked my dry lips and shrugged as I took a shaky breath in. "Good question - I'm not sure." I squeezed my eyes shut and imagined him somewhere with some other beautiful girl that treated him well. I felt a tear hit my leg - please let that go unnoticed.

"I'm canceling your therapy meeting and rescheduling it - you are clearly not well enough to speak about anything of that matter right now." He picked up his phone and punched in a few numbers.

"No - " I grabbed his cold, marble hand. "don't. I want to go to therapy - in fact, I'm late. See you later Grandpa." I stoop up and quietly left his office.

I walked down the hallway, then down the stairs to the second floor where my therapist's office was. I knocked twice, and entered.

"Oh, you must be Renesmee." The small woman announced, she was maybe in her mid forties, around five feet tall and blonde.

"Yep, that's me." I replied dryly, "Do you want me to just sit here?" I asked as I looked around her office.

"Oh yeah, sure. Make yourself comfortable." I did as she said and sat on one of her couch's. "So, shall we begin?"

I nodded my head and twiddled with my fingers.

"When was the first time you used Heroine?" She asked, I shrugged and looked at her. "Maybe a year ago. I'm not sure."

"When was the last time you used it?"

Uh . . .

"Two or three days ago - everything's kind of . . . fuzzy right now." I closed my eyes and tried to picture a better time.

"Are you on Heroine right now?"

"No." I said firmly.

"What does drugs and alcohol do for you?" She said as she scrawled everything down on her pad of paper. I looked around the room and took my time to answer her, no need to rush this time so she could ask any other questions. "Takes the hurt away."

"Most people resort to cutting - have you ever?" I thought about what she said, and then looked at her while holding my arms out.

"Nope, but that's a good idea. Thanks." I said sarcastically. She looked at me with a sad expressing, I rolled my eyes. "I'm kidding, I'm not going to scar my body. My mind's scars take up plenty of room as it is."

She stopped writing to look at me carefully. "Is there something on my face?" I asked dryly.

"No - I'm just taking in all that you've said." She replied with a fake smile.

"I haven't said much, so I don't know why it takes you so long to process everything - kind of makes you look dumb."

I could almost hear my mother's voice speaking to me; _Stop it Renesmee, you're taking your anger out on her - it's rude._

"Well, I think you've had enough today already. Come back next week at the same time. Goodbye Renesmee." She was obviously angry, so I stood and left quietly, taking my time while walking down the hallway and down the stairs.

I left the hospital and got in my car, the sun was shining so I decided to take a long drive around town - maybe it might make this day better.

But I'm doubting it..


	13. My Heart

**WARNING: This story contains drug abuse and violence, I am not promoting drugs nor violence, and I haven't and never will do them. This is an experiment and I've done my research on drugs. Intended for mature audiences. This is a new side to Nessie that I haven't really seen/read before, so I decided to write it instead. If this is to much for you to handle already, then you can leave if you wish, just leave a review telling me you dislikes. It would be greatly appreciated. If you are intrigued in this story, review and tell me your likes & dislikes. It would help, a lot. Intended for mature audiences..**

**Hi everyone, I just wanted to say that I am so thankful for all of you wishing me your condolences. It means so much to me, you can hardly imagine it (Insert a billion hearts here.) This chapter is dedicated to all of you & I know now that my grandparents are proud of me for braving through all of this and continuing to flow down the river of life.**

Nessie's POV-

I began to drive to Seattle, maybe I could get some shopping in - clear my thoughts?

As I was passing the reservation, my heart sank - maybe Jacob was at home. I turned my car around and drove along the dirt road. I pulled into my usual spot and turned my car off, as I was getting out I heard someone call my name.

"Nessie - Nessie!" I stood up and shut the door, I saw Quil and Embry on the porch giving me angry stares.

Great.

"Is Jake home yet?" I asked as I started walking towards them. They both crossed their arms over their bare chest's.

"You tell us, we can't find him - he's blocking us out. What the fuck happened after the bonfire."

"That mine and his business, Quil." I pushed past them and into the house.

"When our best friend is missing? No, it's our business too. We know some of what's been going on - but shit, you know how he gets about you. Which lately - everything has been about you!" Quil followed me back into the house, with a pissed Embry too.

"We fought! Okay? We had a big fight, now just go away!" I tried pushing them out of the house, but neither would budge. "Just please, go away." I begged as I gave up on pushing them out. I pressed my back against the wall and slid down to the floor. A few tears escaped my eyes, I brushed them away furiously. "I just want to be alone, please." I didn't look up to see them go, i just heard their footsteps echo away.

I pushed my body up and went into the den and sat at the piano, a present from daddy.

I started to play random melodies, most were rather sad. I hummed along, letting my fingers play on the white and black keys. I heard the door open and shut, I was going to stop playing - but what was the point?

"Merrily we fall out of line - out of line. I'd fall anywhere with you, I'm by your side. Swinging in the rain, singing in melodies. We're not going anywhere until we freeze. I'm not afraid - anymore. I'm not afraid." I paused my singing to zone in on the footsteps coming towards the den. I figured it was Jacob. "Forever is a long time, but I wouldn't mind spending it by your side...carefully we'll place our destiny. You came and took this heart - and set it free. Every word you write or sing is so warm to me, so warm to me." I stopped my playing and rested my elbows on the piano keys, the motion made a rather attractive sound. I held my face in the hands and sighed. "Fuck life." I finally said and I stood back up and walked straight out of the den, Jacob was no longer in the hallway. I saw the bedroom door shut and figured he was there.

I walked towards the door but hesitates when my hand almost was touching the knob. I finally placed my hand on the knob and pushed the door open.

"Jacob - " I said as I pushed the door open, but found no one in there. The window was open with the curtains blowing from the harsh wind and rain. I let out a sigh of disappointing. "Someone call a doctor, a heart just re shattered." I said under my breath as I made my way towards the window. I put my hands on the screen and started to pull it down, the rain was misty and warm against my skin but the wind whipped harshly making shivers run down my spine. I proceeded in opening the window wider and climbing out into the storm, thunder cracked above me as I took the first steps through puddles in the short grass.

"Where are you going?" Jacobs voice called to me from a few feet behind me.

I didn't turn around, i just kept walking. "Places."

"Like where?" I could hear the puddles splashing as he walked after me.

"I haven't decided yet,"

"When will you?" He asked, the splashing stopped - he wasn't walking after me anymore.

I stopped too and turned around towards him, our eyes met and i could feel our pained expressions being exchanged. "Take a look at what we've become, you'll figure out the answer to your question easily." I started walking again,I swear i could hear my heart breaking once more.

"If you love someone, let them go - if they come back then you know it's real." He paused for a moment, my steps haltered. "You're running away - are you saying this isn't real?" I could see him motioning between us out of the corner of my eye.

"I -" I stopped and turned around. My shoes were completely soaked and I felt the water curl around my whole foot.

"You what, Nessie? You don't know?"

"God dammit! I do know! I know that I love you and I'm sorry and you're all that I think about - you're all that I cry about, you're just my everything! And I don't fucking know what to do when you hate me! What - how to do things without you being right there supporting me. I'm numb, Jake. You don't love me - I'm a worthless stupid - " He crossed the distance between us and pulled me to him. He pressed his lips to mine roughly, my arms flew around his neck.

"Don't ever say I don't love you - ever." He said against my lips, he picked me up and walked back to the house, entering through the back door. He shut the door with his foot and pressed my back against the wall. "Because I'll fucking show you - how much I love you."

And basically - that was that.

I didn't object,

I didn't refuse.

We barely made it to the bed before stripping entirely - everything was moving so fast I could barely keep up. My thoughts were so jumbled as my hands shook, anticipation was racing through my veins.

It hurt at first - but the pain became bearable. Our lips crashed along with our bodies, i never knew that something like this could open up my heart even more - make me feel so much love, that I wanted to cry.

We spent hours tangled together, twisting and turning, crashing and curling.

Our souls finally had rekindled - we were one again, the pain was gone, the brokenness was gone - all replaced with each other.

"I love you," he whispered against my lips as he gave me one last, tired kiss.

"I love you." I said back as I snuggled closer to the warm body that was interlaced with mine.

* * *

**I don't even think that counts as a lemon, haha. i didn't know how to write one so i just...improvised? :DDDDDDDDDDD**


	14. Hot Shower

**So, I LOVE LOVE LOOOOOOOVE reviews, so I would LOVE LOVE LOOOOOVE it if you REVIEWED. Please and thanks you!**

**P.S - Yesss, it's been forever since I updated. I had a bit of writers block. Still do, give me some ideas? Thanks loves! (: **

Nessie's POV-

I awoke to to a thumping heart beat, my head and hand resting on Jacob's bare chest. I smiled lightly at the thought that last night was real - and Jacob loves me.

I opened my eyes with the full, amazing, wonderful, spectacular knowledge of what had happened the night before.

My smile grew bigger, Jacob loves me.

I wanted to scream and jump, twirl and spin - at the fact that he forgave me, that he still cared.

I couldn't be happier.

"Whatcha giggling about?" Jacob asked in a deep sleep coated voice.

"Nothing," I murmured with embarrassment,

I could almost tell he was rolling his eyes, "I know you're lying - might as well tell me." He sat up and pulled me into his chest as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Just the fact that last night . . . actually happened." I felt my face heat up, I buried my head into his chest hoping to hid it from me.

"Don't hide from me," He whispered into my ear. I felt him kiss me from all the way from my temple to my lips. I giggled and rested my head on his chest and pushed his body back down. "I know we should have waited . . . but I just didn't know how else to show you." He confessed,

I shook my head eagerly, "No - no Jacob. I wanted that, I needed that. It helped, _so _much." I mumbled into his chest.

"I needed that too, Nessie."

I closed my eyes and thought for a moment. That was Jacob's first time, but he knew it wasn't mine. It made me angry that I could share something as intimate like my virginity to a man that wasn't Jacob.

"What's wrong?" He asked,

I smiled sadly, "You were right, Jacob. God - _so_ right." A single tear fell from my eye. "I'm so sorry that I did this, I needed to grow up - an now there's something I could ever share with you because I gave it to another person."

"One little thing doesn't change how I feel Nessie," He said softly. "Nothing will never change how I feel."

I shook my head slowly, "But it's one think I'll never be able to give you, one thing I wanted you to have." I murmured quietly.

"I already have you, that's more than enough. You fill up every void, want and need in my life, honey. Don't think that you don't."

I looked up at him slowly, tears welling up in my eyes. "And, if you want - we can wait to do this again." He suggested,

"Wait until when?" I asked, biting my lip.

"Until we're married." He confided, my eyes widened as I looked at him. A small smile started to slowly appear onto my face.

Married? To Jacob?

I made up my mind quickly, "I want to wait."

He smiled a goofy grin, "Alright, then we'll wait."

oOoOo

I opened my eyes and looked at Jacob - and then to the clock. We must have fallen asleep again.

Jake was still asleep, his right arm wrapped around my waist in a death grip with his head nearly disaapearing in the pillow. I smiled and laid my hand on his thick chest for a moment, feeling how good his skin felt against mine.

I really, really wanted to do something nice for Jake, the falling back asleep along with sleeping late into the afternoon would mean he wouldn't wake up, right? He has to be extreamly tired to do that.

I squirmed, slowly making my way out out from his death grip. I sat up slowly, making sure not to move the bed. I looked over at Jacob and smiled, it was hard to leave him - even if it was just in the other room. I sighed and started walking, my hand flew to my mouth to cover the yelp of pain that manged to escape my mouth.

How the hell was I was sore?

I'm not a virgin by any means, but being sore? How in God's name . . . ? I continued to ponder as I leaned down to toss my panties from the night before into the hamper, along with all the rest of the clothing stewed around the room. I quickly pulled on one of his overly large T - shirts, I didn't want Jacob to see me naked again until we were married. The thought sent my heart soaring.

Married.

I felt sticky and kind of gross, so I would deffinantly be getting a shower in a little bit. Why get fully dressed? I heard Jacob snore softly, I snorted softly. I turned and looked at him, a small smile dancing on my lips.

Jacob was lying on his side, the lower half of his body was barely covered. I bit my lip as I scaned my eyes down and up his body. _Mine, mine, mine_ raced through my head as I gawked at him. I felt a little guilty, If I keep doing that, I'd forgo the idea of holding off our decision to wait.

My hands itched to touch his skin, to feel the heat that made me melt. I gulped and ghosted my hand over his warm back before attempting to tip toe towards the bathroom, It hurt so bad - he was just so - so big!

I shouldn't think about him like that, or I'd jump him the next chance I got. I wanted to wait, but my body had obviously rejected the idea. I rushed through taking a shower as quickly as I could, though the pain. God, I've never been sore - not even after my first time with Brad, which was my first time ever.

Jesus, this was so weird.

I pulled his shirt back on and waddled back into the bedroom to grab a pair of panties. I hadn't cooked for Jacob in months and I missed doing it. Maybe cooking him breakfast would be a good idea?

I twisted my hair up into a messy bun with random curls spilling out as I waddled into the kitchen, I whined and whimpered with every step I took.

I seriously should not be in this much pain, but just thinking back to it . . . I guess Brad was average - but Jacob, Jacob was _huge_.

Blueberry pancakes, bacon, eggs, hash browns and toast with peanut butter was Jacob's favorite breakfast, I smiled remembering the last time I cooked it for him, which was on his 24th birthday.

I got everything together and started baking, I even made some muffins and tea - I was in such a good mood, besides the soreness, I was very happy. I hummed quietly to myself as I mixed and flipped things.

I poured the seventh pancake on the griddle when I heard a very familiar voice clearing its throat. My eyes shot up to see Jacob leaning against the doorway of the kitchen in some gym shorts, with a small smirk.

"Nessie - cooking?" He fake gasped, "And what's this? She's - she's humming too?" I rolled my eyes and flipped the pancake.

"Hungry?" I asked with a glint in my eyes,

"When am I not?" He asked with a chuckle, he pushed himself off the door frame and strode over to me. He twirled a curl that fell from my bun around his finger before releasing it and smiling at me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed his body gently into my back, hugging me from behind. He watched me flip the pancake and groaned. "Smells amazing, honey." He said as he kissed my temple, I knew he was leaning over - he was just so damn tall.

I made a _'hmm_' noise and tilting my face up towards him. A smile broke out on my face, "I'm glad,"

He chuckled softly and leaned down to kissing my lips briefly. "You woke up early, I'm guessing?" He questioned while taking the same curl and twisting it around his finger.

I nodded my head and poured the rest of the batter onto the griddle, I squirmed in front of Jacob as he kissed along my neck and collarbone.

"Did you sleep good?" He questioned, his lips stopped, ghosting right above my neck.

"The best sleep I've had in a long time," I said, a blush came onto my face when I heard him chuckle.

"Good, I wouldn't want to have it any other way."

I smiled, how could things go from so bad to so good in less than twenty - four hours?

I looked up at him and blushed when he was looking down at me. He leaned down and brushed his lips softly against mine. I smiled when he broke our kiss off so I could get back to finishing the pancakes. "If I could cook, you'd be the one watching me made you breakfast." I laughed lightly and shook my head.

"I'd be the one extinguishing the very burnt pancake."

"Hardy har har," He said sarcastically. He squeezed my butt before walking away from me. I squealed and jumped in shock, then grimaced when I landed back on the ground.

Jumping is no longer something I will do today.

I watched him stare at me curiously from across the counter, I gave him a weird look before turned slowly and walking as normally as I could to the oven where the bacon and hash browns were finishing. I piled it onto a big plate and started my half walk half waddle to the fridge.

"Nessie," Jacob started calmly. "Why are you walking like that?"

"Hmm?" I questioned weakly, I spun around to look at him. I winced and let out a hiss.

Great. Now he's going to go all overprotective alpha ape shit on me.

"Nessie," Jacob said again, he looked expectantly at me. "Come here."

I set my plate on the counter next to the fridge and turned back towards him. I walked as normal as I could to him before I just gave up from the pain. He rushed towards me and picked me up gently.

"Did I hurt you, honey?" He onyx eyes melted as they stared at me, making me feel warm and tingly inside.

"What? I'm not hurt, you didn't do anything," I assured him quickly, massaging his shoulders. "I'm fine." My eyes casted down

"What's wrong?" He asked, concern coated his voice.

I shook my head, "Nothing." He took my face in his hands, locking our eyes.

"Don't lie,"

I smiled, "I'm fine - really." I touched his face gently

"I hurt you . . . "

I rolled my eyes, "I'm fine!" I insisted, "I haven't been with someone in a while and you're just - "

"Bigger?" He asked with a smirk,

"Yes," I said with a laugh. "I wasn't used to it, but I'll be fine. I already took a hot shower this morning,"

"I think you need another one," He said in a whisper. My eyes locked with his, they were as black as the night.

My breath caught in my throat, "Y - yeah," I stuttered. "I think I do too."


	15. Swipes

**What's this? An Update? NO FREAKING WAY.**

Nessie's POV-

"Oh, Jake!" I gushed as we walked towards the beach. "I'm so excited, are you sure everyone won't want to murder me? I'd want to murder me . . . " I bit my lip and trailed off, looking down at the sand. The sound of Jacob's low, rumbling laugh startled me momentarily.

"Nessie, everyone will be so ecstatic that you're feeling better. They've missed you." I looked up to meet his gaze, his warm onyx eyes were swimming with love.

I smiled softly, "I've missed them too." I admitted, He chuckled again and wrapped his arm around my waist to bring me closer to him. I felt his warm lips barely brush my temple, my skin sizzled in a pleasurable way at the contact.

It's been about a month since we made our decision to wait. Technically, we were engaged - but traditionally, he had yet to ask. I frowned a little at that, but I know Jacob well. I know he's waiting for a reason, Jacob never makes the wrong choice and so I know that him waiting to ask me to marry him is a very good choice.

A _very_ good choice.

"Jake!" Quil rumbled, I watched as he barreled towards us with a stupid grin. Embry wasn't to far behind him, then came Seth. then Brady, then Jared and Paul.

"Hey, man." Jake said with a bright smile. He let go of me to give a few of them "man hugs". You know, those 'I'm to manly to actually hug you, so I'll awkwardly pat your back so hard it may leave a bruise' kind of hugs.

"Nessie," Quil said with a small smile. I gave him a wave and a tight smile. My eyes darted over to Jake's to see that he was glaring daggers at his best friend. Jacob wrapped his arm protectively around me and brought me closer to his side. The awkward tension in the air could be cut with a knife, maybe even a sword.

"You know what, I forgot something back at the house - I'll be right back." I announced as I ducked out from under Jake's arm. The guys started walking away the second I said that. Jacob gave me a pained expression,

"I'll come with you . . . "

I shook my head with a smile, "No - I'll be fine. It's feminine things, Jake." I lied with a tight smile.

He gave me a doubting look but let me go anyways, trusting me entirely. I sighed and started walking back towards the house. I heard loud, rumbling laughter from the side of a house I was passing by. I sped up, hoping to pass them quickly when the scent of smoke blew by me. I held my breath and passed them. I did a double take as I was passing them, and almost had a heart attack. It was Logan, Brady and Collin, they were both just shy of their nineteenth birthdays.

"Logan, Brady . . . _Collin_?" I asked in disbelief, they both froze and dropped the joints they were smoking seconds ago.

"Nessie!" Collin shouted nervously, he ran a hand through his hair and stomped on the joint, attempting to hide it from me.

"What were you doing?" I questioned as I crossed my arms over my chest,

Brady scoffed, "Are you really going to go and judge us for smoking some weed, little miss sobering druggy?"

My jaw literally dropped at his cold words, I swallowed the tears back. "I'll have you know that this stuff is extremely dangerous, and very well could be life changing. Now, I don't want - "

"Oh, look Collin! She's gonna be a hypocrite!"

I drew in a jagged breath, "Excuse me? I'm trying to help you by telling you to not so this shit!" I growled,

Collin looked nervous as hell, but Brady was fuming. "It's our lives, since when have you decided to care about anyone but yourself? We saw how you treated our alpha like shit, and you have the nerve to pop back up like everything's just peachy? Jesus, even if you are his damn imprint - the guy should have dropped you the second you went down hill."

The tears fell freely as I balled my fists, "Brady, I've known you since - "

"I'm older than you." He interjected.

I closed my eyes and bit my tongue, holding back my snappy tone.

"What, your therapist give you that technique to control your bitch level?" They both laughed at Brady's crude remark, I scoffed.

"You fucking asshole," I muttered under my breath.

"Say that, one more time." He whispered,

I swallowed the lump in my throat and opened my eyes, narrowing them into slits as I glared at him. "You. Fucking. Ass. Hole." I tossed his a smirk and waited for him to lunge.

He sprung at me seconds later, phasing mid air. My eyes widened, I hadn't expected him to phase. I dodged his attack and rolled under neath him, his paws barely missed me. He let out a loud snarl and lunged again, I turned and literally high tailed it to the forest. I didn't want any witnesses.

His howl was alarming and ferocious . He tackled me to the ground effortlessly, I screamed in pain when his claws ripped into my back. I felt my hot blood seep down my sides. I turned and kicked him off of me, he let out a yelp as I stood up as fast as I could. I ignored the searing pain and crouched low, a hiss escaping between my teeth. Collin and Logan were no where to be seen now, which kind of frustrated me.

Brady lunged again, his claws swiped my left arm - dragging me down to the ground. I shrieked out in pain again, I fisted the dirt on the ground and ground my teeth.

The next swipe Brady took at me was across me back again. I groaned in pain and felt my vision go blury, my head started to spin as I felt warm liquid run down my skin. Black dots spotted my vision and soon, that's all I saw.


	16. Mine

**Hey guys, okay so school is starting for me in a few days, and I have practices and school extra activities until around 8 every night, so updates will only come on weekends or like once a month. I'm sorry that it will be long but I am super busy this school year, hopefully as the year goes by it'll slow down and I can update more. **

Jake's POV-

I watched my Nessie leave, my heart tugging stronger with every step she took. I let out a jagged sigh and turned around, walking towards the fire. A chorus of hello's greeted me I sat down, the spot next to me was soon filled by Emily.

"Jake," She breathed. "How are you?"

I smiled, "I'm better, a lot better. Nessie's so good now,"

She gave me a small hug, "Good, I'm so glad. I was so worried about her - about you two. Ever since the last bonfire . . . "

I shrugged, "I just - I have to trust her. She's my world, I honestly thought about letting her keep up with - with . . . "

Emily gasped, "What - why?"

I closed my eyes and rubbed my face, "So, she would be happy."

Emily pursed her lips, "She's happy now, right?"

"That's what she tells me. I feel like she's happy . . . but you never really know with her."

An angry howl brought me out of my thoughts, I winced as I stood - a tingling, burning feeling in my back suddenly hit me. I winced again as the pain increased.

Nessie.

My eyes shot open as I looked across the fire, I met Sam's eyes. He knew something was wrong too, even if he wasn't phasing anymore. I started running towards where the howling was, once I hit the forest I phased, Brady's angry thoughts filled my head instantly.

But the thing that stood out most to me was my imprint, sprawled out on the ground - bloody and mangled in front of him.

I roared in anger, he had _hurt_ my imprint, my reason for existing. Her faint heartbeat barely there. I pushed my legs faster and collided straight into Brady, he yelped in pain and surprise.

_Jake! Jacob, bro - I didn't mean to! _He begged,

I snarled, my hackles raised and my teeth bared. I stood in front of Nessie, protecting her further from him. I couldn't even think straight, all I knew was that he had hurt my Nessie.

_Mine_.

I lunged at him again, my jaws closing around his shoulder, I bit down effectively and heard a pleasurable crunch. My vision coated red and even in my wolf form I was shaking. The rest of my packs thoughts soon appeared as I saw in their eyes what they were seeing from Brady. I snapped my jaws at him and I picked him up in my teeth and threw him into a tree. He yelped and scrambled back up to his feet, whimpering like a lost puppy.

_Jacob, man - stop! Your girl needs you, you can deal with him later! _

_Someone call Carlisle, I'm taking care of him right now. _I barked the order and everyone seemed to cower. I attacked Brady again, avenging my imprint.

_I don't want to see you step foot or even a fucking paw onto these lands ever again, do you understand me Fuller? We protect everyone's imprints, especially your alpha's - but to nearly kill one of your brothers imprint - to almost kill **my** imprint . . . you're just lucky I don't kill you right now. _I snarled with hatred, my hackles still raised and my teeth still barred. Brady cowered, his tail between his legs. _Go! _I roared, he whimpered and ran away. His thoughts disappearing as he went, showing his rank as a lone wolf now.

I phased back to find my brothers surrounding my Nessie, the blood caked to her back now. My heart lurched at the sight of her injured like this. Her heartbeat as stronger now, but she still was unconscious - all of the blood she lost surely took a toll on her. The guys moved out of the way, letting me through to pick up my imprint. I took her gently in my arms, careful to not touch her scratches. I started to shake again just thinking about them, but a warm hand rested on my shoulder. I looked up to meet the eyes of Embry.

"Bro, it's okay. You have her,"

I nodded my head and walked away from them, towards the break in the trees by the cliffs. I would have to walk a mile to get back to our house, but I would do it for my Nessie.

"We called like you told us, he said they would be at your house waiting. Seth let them across the border, they just got here." I nodded at whoever was talking, I really didn't care who it was - I just wanted my Nessie to be okay.

Once we got back to the house, I nearly kicked the door open. Bella was at my side instantly, trying to take Nessie out of my arms. I snarled and held her closer to me, Bella's gold eyes looked startled as she backed away.

"Jacob, please do stay calm." Edward said in a strained voice. I narrowed my eyes at him and set Nessie gently on the couch.

I backed away and watched as Carlisle got to work, cleaning the blood off and disinfecting every cut the best he could. "I just hope it will work, medicine never works on her and it's very frustrating." Carlise said with a sigh.

"What happened?" A soft voice asked me, I turned and saw Blondie looking at me with a sad expression.

Did she just say that? "Brady." I spat out, an angry tremor rolling through me again.

I watched as her expressions turned angry, along with the rest of the Cullen's. "I took care of him though, there won't be any more problems from him."

"You banished him from La Push?" Edward said with a laugh,

I snarled and stood up, anger rushing into my mind again. "Is that a bad thing? He hurt my Nessie,"

"It's quite surprising, I never knew you could do that."

I huffed and sat down, my eyes on my girl again. For a second I thought about finding Brady and killing him, but dismissed it for now - my girl needed me and I wasn't going anywhere.


	17. AN

Hi guys, I know you all want an update but right now I can't deal with that. I have a lot going on in my life at the moment, including another one of my friends has committed suicide. I'm balling like a baby as I type this, just two months ago my best friend that I've known since basically birth took his life on October 2. Now, my friend Marrissa just took hers last night and I'm really not holding up well. Zach, her and I have been close since childhood, so you can probably guess the effect this is having on me. With my grandparents passing earlier this year, and now them, four of the most close people I had being dead isn't a thing I can really grasp. This year has been the hardest year of my life, and I'm so glad it's almost over.

But the point I'm trying to make is, if you feel alone, or hurt, or you're just having a bad day please, please, please PM me. I will talk to you. I want to help, and since I couldn't help Zach and Marrissa I want to help you guys. If you ever, EVER have suicidal thoughts talk to me, or someone at least. Do not keep it to yourself. I really cannot stress this enough, we are all blessed to be living and breathing and I would like to keep everyone that way.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, be strong and remember that. I love you all.

- Laney

R.I.P Zachary Andrew Kole & Marrissa Ann Sarna.


	18. Living Life Comfortably

I haven't updated this one in months. I thought it's where I could start. Me and my sister are obsessing with Michel Telo and his music since we found him on youtubes front page when she came home for christmas -.- his songs have been on repeat for like a week...lololololol :))))

http : / / www . bluenile . com / build - your - own - diamond - ring ? force Step = STYLE _ STEP & offer _ id =1 5 1 7 9

http : / / www . polyvore . com / ajkf _ lk _ lt / set ? id = 4 1 6 8 8 4 4 6

Just delete the spaces to see the ring & nessies outfit! :D

Nessie's POV

I let out a soft groan, and squeezed my eyes shut. I had the worst headache, and my back stung . . . my eyes snapped open and I looked down at myself.

I let out a shaky breath and shook my head back and forth. I could only see flashes, flashes of a wolf . . . who though?

"You're awake." Jacobs deep voice breathed in relief it sounded like.

I looked across the room to see him sitting with his hands clasped together, his elbows resting on his bouncing knees. He was on edge.

"Who?"

He looked up from the floor and to me, his eyes held bags and he looked sickly. I frowned at the sight, what was wrong with my beautiful Jacob?

"As to who did this to you? Brady, don't you remember?"

I blinked a few times, and focused down at the cotton blanket I was gripping.

It took a few moments, but It came back. And when It did I felt everything.

I winced, "Yeah, I remember very well . . . "

"I almost committed murder."

That stuck me down deep, my head snapped up to see he was staring directly at me. "You _almost_?"

He nodded silently and looked back down at the ground. "Not something I'm really proud of, but God . . . I've never been so angry. No, I was furious. Red hot anger. I remember seeing myself through the rest of the pack's eyes . . . I-I was basically a massacring monster. I banished Brady, I _banished_ him from La Push. No one knows where he is . . . "

"Oh, Jacob." I murmured.

"He hurt you, I thought he killed you, Nessie. I could barely hear your heart beat, for Christ's sake I could barely hear _your_ heart! Your beautiful, musical like heartbeat. I could barely hear the thing that always calms me down. I think that's why I was so angry. I couldn't hear the thing I needed to hear most."

A few tears leaked out of my eyes, "The thought I had, that split second thought of 'Is my Nessie dead?' hurt me so much. That though sent me into a frantic range. I know you've heard this speech before, of how I wouldn't know what to do if I lost you . . . but this time I _almost_ did. I actually almost did. It's so real now, the feeling. The feeling of loosing you."

"Jacob, I'm not going anywhere." I whispered in a hoarse voice.

"I really hope not, or I might kill off my entire pack." he laughed bitterly and leaned against the back of the chair, resting his head against the wall.

"Jacob?" I questioned aloud.

"Yeah?"

"Will you come here for a second?"

He immediately came to me, a smile graced my lips. "Guess what?"

He gave me a confused look, "What?"

I pulled his head down towards me and pecked his lips. "I love you."

oOoOo

It's been two months since the 'accident', I'm completely healed now and Jacob and I are better than ever.

"Nossa, nossa! Assim você me mata. Ai, se eu te pego, Ai, ai, se eu te pego!" I sing to myself as I vacuumed the living room.

"What the hell are you singing?" Jacob asks as he walked into the room, carrying a coffee table with Embry.

I smile, "Mom and dad went and saw this amazing Portuguese artist when they went to Portugal, and bought me his CD."

"What the hell does it mean, then?" Embry questions, placing the coffee table in front of our new couch.

"Wow, wow. You're gonna kill me that way! Ah, when I get my hands on you, poor you. Ah, when I get my hands on you, poor you!" I sing obnoxiously, Embry lifts his eyebrows and punches Jake's shoulder.

"Yeah, there you go man!"

Jacob shake his head and laughs, "Shut up, Em." I crack a smile and go back to vacuuming as the guys go back outside to get more furniture.

Jacob and I just finished our expansion of his father's old house, which meant Jacob and the pack built while I and the girls picked out furniture and painted. It was our summer project, we're mid way into July and the house is almost finished. We just have to put all the furniture in and the house will be finally complete.

Jacob proposed a month ago, at a pack bonfire. It came out of nowhere, I was just sitting there, talking to Emily then I turn my head and I see Jake down on one knee, holding up his mother's ring. The ring is absolutely beautiful, It's probably the prettiest ring I have ever seen. I look down at my finger and wiggle it, smiling to myself.

Drugs and alcohol are a thing of the past, I've overcome my addiction and am living life comfortably. Jacob and I are planning on having our wedding this coming December, or next May. We haven't decided yet, it all depends on where we want to go for our honeymoon.

Nonetheless, Alice has been planning the entire wedding. I agreed to having a large, huge white wedding. Alice could not have been any happier with my decision.

"Finally, I get to plan another wedding that's up to my standards!" she repeated all day when I told her of mine and Jacob's decision.

I turned the vacuum off and pushed it to the master bedroom. I smiled when I glanced all around the room, good and bad memories were in this room. One of the worst and best times happened in here, and sometimes I think I would take it all back . . . but in the end I know I wouldn't because it only made me stronger.

It only made Jake and I stronger, and there wasn't anything that would change that.

* * *

**Ahhhh, not sure if this should be the ending D: What do y'all think? I think it sounds like an ending, but should I make it one? review and tell me! :D love you guys!**


	19. You are my life

**A review pointed out gooood stuff to me that I somehow forgot -.- thank you but this is the end :) There will be a sequel...Brad will come back, as will Brady. That's all the spoilers I will give you. :))))**

**P.S - I might be coming out with two new stories, but i need help deciding...PM me if you would like to receive a peak at these new stories. I don't know which one to post first! Dx**

Nessie's POV

"Nessie, calm down." Jacob told me with a laugh.

I rolled my eyes and nearly bounced in my seat, "Jake, how can you say that? I get my puppy back!"

Jacob chucked, "Paul's glad to get that thing out of there."

I nearly gasped, "It is not a thing! It is a she, and her name is Delia!"

The knock on the door nearly made me scream, I ran to the door and flung it open.

Mackenzie gave me a big toothy grin, while holding onto to Delia who was fast asleep. "Hi, Aunt Nessie."

I smiled down at her, "Hey there, gorgeous. How are you?"

She blushed, "I'm good! I get to see my favorite aunt, but don't tell Aunt Rebecca I said that!" she giggled and held up the dog towards me.

"You want to hold her? My arms are tired."

I smiled and nodded, taking the small dog from the six year olds arms. Delia immediately woke up in the transfer, I grinned widely.

"Hi, puppy." I cooed, she began to yip and bark all while licking my face. I threw my head back and laughed, putting her down on the carpet. She began racing around the room and barking, jumping up onto my legs several times and then going back to running around the living room.

Paul came in the house after Mackenzie and smiled at me, "Hey, Ness. How are you?" he asked as he gave me a small hug. Jacob rested his hand around my waist and I leaned into him. "Better than ever, what about yourself?"

Paul grinned, "Amazing, Rachel's pregnant again."

My eyes widened as I looked up at Jake, his shocked expression matching mine.

"She hasn't told anyone yet," Paul said quickly, seeing our alarmed expression. "just found out this morning."

I bit my lip and nodded, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. Babies and pregnancy was a touchy subject, when Jacob and I finally moved back into the house, Papa came by to tell us after extensive research, he believed it was next to impossible for me to ever get pregnant. We first asked when we told the family our plans of getting married, and during the two months of redoing the house Papa researched and traveled to find answers, and when he finally did we were devastated.

_"Renesmee," Papa started with a grim expression. My smile fell and I suddenly became nervous, my grip on Jacob's hand tightened. "you cannot carry a child. Your skin is to strong, which allows no stretching for the fetus to grow. You can conceive, but cannot carry a child."_

"Congratulations," I told Paul with a tight-lipped smile. I excused myself and went over to where Mackenzie was. I watched as she petted the dog and beamed when it would lick her face. I settled myself next to her on the carpet and ran my fingers through Delia's white fur.

"Your mommy is having another baby, did you know that?"

Mackenzie nodded happily, "I'm gonna be a big sister, not the little sister anymore."

I smiled sadly, "I never had siblings."

Mackenzie looked up at me with sad eyes, "Why not?"

I licked my lips, and just shrugged.

"Are you and Uncle Jay gonna have babies? I only have two cousins, I want more!"

I felt my breath catch, "Jacob and I can't have children, Mac."

She furrowed her small eyebrows, "How come?"

I breathed deeply, "It's hard to explain, honey."

"I'm a good listener!"

I smiled, "I don't doubt that."

"I listen to all of Nathan's _stupid_ ideas and don't talk, so I can listen!"

"It's just what the doctor said, maybe when you're much older you can understand."

Mackenzie frowned, "Okay, Aunt Nessie."

I licked my lips and continued to pet the dog, listening in on Jacob and Paul's conversation.

"So, you guys can't?"

I expected Jacob nodded, because he didn't say anything at first. "It's tearing her up, Paul. God, I don't know what to do."

"Expect the unacceptable, man. Don't give up when you haven't even tried."

Jacob breathed deeply, letting out a long sigh. "I know, I just hate seeing her go into this funk whenever someone mentions anything related to it. It kills me."

"Downfall of imprinting man, it's terrible when you have to just sit there because there nothing you can do."

"I know, Paul. Trust me, I know."

oOoOo

"Alice, how do I look?" I asked, biting my lip and looking in the mirror for the hundredth time.

"_Renesmee_," she said, sounding a bit annoyed. "you look magnificent, Jacob will pass out seeing you. Trust me, I know. I saw." she said with a laugh, I smacked her arm and chuckled.

"Did not, liar. You can't see us."

She smiled, "I know, but you really do look beautiful. Like an angel, I promise. I made you look this way, so believe me."

I bit my lip and did another once over, Alice had my hair swept back from my face and a tiara place a few inches back from my hair line. I'm not really sure where Alice got the tiara, but it was beautiful. My bronze curls flowed freely and neatly down my back, stopping short of a few inches above the top of my hip. I let my eyes trail to my dress, it was a full A-line gown with sweetheart neckline and corset closure.

I especially loved the sweetheart neckline, but the tiers of fanciful frills caught my eyes again. Alice put her own touch on the dress, and put in diamond embellishments that outlined the angular dropped waist of this marvelous dress. I absolutely loved it more than anything, it was truly my dream dress.

"You look amazing, words cannot describe how beautiful you are, love." my father said lightly, I looked up and saw a tinge of a crooked smile on her face as he held his hand securely on my mothers side.

"Thank you, daddy."

"Alice is partially right, Jacob's jaw will most likely be hitting the floor."

I smiled and looked in the mirror again. Staring right into my 'chocolate pools' as Jacob liked to refer them too. My thick lashes were neatly coated in black mascara, shimmery cream mascara made my eyes sparkle when the light hit them. My cheeks naturally pink, and my lips holding a light glossed shine.

I felt my eyes start to tear up, "Oh, Alice. Thank you."

"Don't you dare cry! You'll ruin my work!"

I laughed and swallowed, holding back the tears.

"But, anything for my favorite niece." Alice gave me a small smile and hugged me lightly, her cold embrace comforting.

"Your only niece," I pointed out, pulling away from her and smiling.

"You have new; the dress, you something blue; the garter. But now, I want to give you the something old." I turned back to my father and gave him a puzzled look. I watched him open the velvet black box, presenting its contents. I gasped when I saw the necklace, "This necklace was my mothers; my father gave it to her. She wore it on her wedding day and I want you to do the same." Daddy said with a sad smile and he took the necklace out of the box.

The silver was bright, and sparkle; looking no where near to being old. The metal had been delicately crafted into twisted of flowers, all twisting around each other. The center of the eleven flowers each held a 2 carat white diamond.

"It's beautiful, dad." I said in a breathy tone, I was nearly hindered speechless by it. I pulled my hair around to one side so daddy could place the necklace around my neck. When he clasped it, I turned and looked in the mirror. It hung just barely past where my collar bones met, and looked so beautiful.

"You look lovely, sweetheart." Mom said, bringing me out of my thoughts. "_But_, here is still one thing missing. You need something borrowed." I watched as my mother revealed the box she had been hiding in her hands behind her back.

I watched as she opened it slowly, inside was a pair of silver and diamond earrings. I let out a gasp, _her favorite earrings._ There were four round diamonds on each earring connected by silver. At the end were four marquise diamonds shaped like a simple flower with silver in the center of them, matching the necklace beautifully.

"Mom, your earrings!" I said with happiness, mom took out the earrings and put them in my ears, I was near to the edge of crying, but held it in for Alice's sake.

"_Now_, you are ready." Mom said with a sad smile.

"Thank you, all of you." I gushed as I hugged all of them tightly. "I love you all."

"Are you ready to get married!" Alice said with a shriek of excitement. I nodded, afraid if I spoke I would end up crying.

"Then let's get this show on the road!" Alice said happily, giving me one last hug before leaving with my mother.

I could hear the buzzing of people down stairs, the entire pack was here, more than half of the people who represented me when the Volturi threatened to destroy me, and of course, Charlie and Renee and all of Jacob's family.

"Everyone is excited to see you, Rebecca keeps trying to picture how you look because she thinks you can't get anymore beautiful." Daddy smirked and leaned against the door frame. "Alice says we have three minuets."

I nodded, "Daddy?"

He looked up, shocked I actually addressed him as that.

"Yes?"

"I love you, and I'm going to miss you when you all leave again. And, I'm sorry for putting you all through what I put you through. It was childish, and I would take it all back knowing I hurt you all." I swallowed, trying not to cry.

"I know, love."

"Do you forgive me?" I asked,

He gave me a crooked smile, "I did a long time ago." He pulled me into a tight hug and rubbed soothing circles on my bare back. "Now, let's get you married."

I smiled, and let my dad led me down the stairs and to the back door. "Ready?"

"Yes." I said with a shaky breath, opening my eyes and meeting my father's topaz one's. I heard Rose begin to play the light wedding march outside. Just as the back doors opened, my eyes began to water terribly. "Don't cry, now." Dad chuckled, "And don't fall."

I shot him a playful scowl before focusing on climbing down the back porch steps, clutching onto my father's cold arm and grasping my bouquet of bright red roses in the other hand. I finally looked up to see everyone is smiling eyes on me.

Everything looked like something out of a beautiful fairytale. The lights were shimmering perfectly, the flowers were dripping flawlessly, the seating was perfect, the arrangement was incredible, the garlands and gossamer were beautiful… It was incredible. Nothing could ever look so beautiful.

I let myself slowly take everyone in until my eyes finally reached the onyx one's I had been looking for. My breath caught when I saw my Jacob. He stood there with a goofy grin his face, his shaggy hair was pushed out of his face and his tux look funny, I had never seen him in much more than a t-shirt, but he looked amazing nonetheless.

When I finally locked my eyes with him, there weren't the usual fireworks. No humming electricity. Just . . . _silence_. A deep, powerful, overwhelming, heart-stopping silence. It felt like we were wrapped in our own little bubble, separated from the rest of the world in a different world of our own. Just…bliss. Pure, untainted, unspoiled, innocent, perfect _bliss_. I didn't notice anyone anymore. Not all the people, my family, standing up all smiling at me. Not my mom stand by the alter waiting for me. Not the priest who was going to marry us. Just _my_ Jacob.

It seemed like it took forever to get to the alter. I kept trying to speed up but dad would pull me back keeping me in my slow pace. When I finally arrived at the alter I still hadn't taking my eyes off Jacob. I didn't even listen to the priest I just waited for my cue.

"I do." I vowed but it came out more like a whisper. Then the priest turned toward Jacob.

"I do." Jacob vowed keeping his ridiculous grin on his face. I bit my lip and felt the tears finally spill over.

"You may now kiss the bride."

Just as he leaned in to kiss me I pressed my hand gently to his cheek and locked my eyes with his. Using my gift I showed him all the memories I had of us, sitting under the stars, him kissing me, him protecting me, him leaving me, him coming back to me, him saving me, everything. My tears were falling so fast, Jacob chuckled and brushed them away.

"I love you." he murmured,

"I love you too, more than my own life." I said before leaning in and meeting Jacob's soft lips, meshing them together perfectly in a way that still gave me butterflies and a light head.

When we pulled away, I could finally hear the clapping and of course, Emmett's booming voice rooting us on. That made me smirk.

"I take back what I said," I whispered, Jacob gave me a confused look.

"Because you _are_ my life."

_The end_.


End file.
